when i first arrived in shanghai 8+ years ago, i was determined to "be chinese". taking language classes at a university, i surrounded myself with chinese friends, plunged into the cuisine and culture with fervent tenacity, spending most of my waking moments wanting to love and learn china.
and then i realized i would never fully be chinese - there is so much american in me. and in the eyes of the chinese, i would never be completely regarded as a foreigner as well. so i struggled for a few years, wrestling with the tension of being both-and-neither, trying to tame the anger and frustrations in my heart. during this period, i also transitioned from student status to young professional in shanghai, navigating all the ins-and-outs of work visas, taking jobs that pay the bills, salaries that barely cover the bills, and negotiating with chinese landlords. and the whole young expat scene - ah, yes.
i dove into the wild, intoxicating shanghai nightlife, especially after i took a position working at an art gallery that required schmoozing with the shanghai glitterati (or glitterati remoras). parties, clubs, neon dance floors and tipsy nights. it was at once exhilarating and exhausting.
now i've reached a certain calm - in my shanghai lifestyle but perhaps also stage of life. it may be a certain tediousness that comes with even the most robust and seductive nightlife a city has to offer. it may be that i'm settling comfortably in my 30s and no longer feel the need to prove my twenty-something self. some other friends who once cruised the party circuit with me agree: all that once glittered is certainly not gold and at the end of the day, we all crave for something more solid and sure.
my current phase can best be described as "nesting" - i think the cold weather is partly to blame. in the past week, i've hosted four dinners with friends: cooking, laughing, eating and connecting over mounds of good food and glasses of wine. incredibly nourishing to the body and soul. chinese, foreigners, from various walks of life and faith backgrounds...all of us sharing our struggles and joys in this simple act of living life day to day.
i like where i'm at now.
cups of coffee: 1 1/2 with soy milk
mood: vacation!
Monday, January 24, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
process...ing
tonight we kicked off a new series at the art gallery: "twocities conversations". our hope is that this series would focus on the creative process and the lovely overlap of art and life as we interview various musicians and artists with whom we work. our first guest was steve sweeting, a brilliantly talented jazz pianist who we've been collaborating with for five years. i hosted the program as the interviewer, putting some of my journalistic training to work (thanks, BU) and living out one of my daydreams as a talk show host (move over, oprah).
it was a lot of fun interviewing steve, especially since he's grown to be a good friend through our years of working together. he's also one of the most gifted, astute and imaginative musicians i know, and he never ceases to amaze me with his breadth of creativity and depth of thinking. he spouted quite a few things tonight that were worth mulling over and digesting - everything from the importance of playfulness in cultivating creativity to the capacity for improvisation and openness to surprises in music and life.
steve shared about the process of songwriting, how inspiration can come in many ways and many shades. there is rigor involved in constantly working and reworking songs, trying this style or that key, setting it in this or that time signature, until the song develops into something you can be satisfied with. there is obvious joy in the process for him - even in talking about songwriting and experimenting with different arrangements, his face lights up and his fingers twitch as if itching to dance across piano keys.
being an excellent musician or artist (or anything in life, i suppose) requires a certain commitment to the "process." there must be a willingness to try and fail (sometimes spectacularly), and fearlessness to take risks. it's not about always obtaining measurable outcomes.
i've learned a lot about process from my time in shanghai, particularly working at twocities. patience was never one of my great virtues, and i usually operate at two speeds: 1) fast and 2) faster. i used to think patience was about waiting: sitting around wearing some calm composure, a face of serenity that could rival the placid visages of mother mary statues, hands folded in gentle acquiescence, waiting. but lately, i've started viewing patience from another perspective: perhaps it's not passive waiting but a very active engagement in the process. our lives are always in some sort of transition - i think those moments of complete inactivity are rare. we are constantly growing and learning, trying and adjusting, succeeding and failing, acquiring and losing. in the midst of it all, we are impatient, wanting to push past this stage, get rid of this or that now, move to the next level, etc. we cannot allow the process to occur and run its natural course. we struggle with being fully present and committed to the process. we grow in discontent.
but to see our life as a work of art - a sculpture being chiseled or a song being penned bar by bar - to allow the process to be and to remain open to what we cannot plan or manipulate...
and how reassuring to know there is a Great Artist who is shaping us, who forms my bones and my days, and who knows exactly where and how the process needs to be....
i am striving to not just learn patience; i am learning to be more present. i am learning to derive more joy from the process.
on a side note, at the end of the interview with steve, i peppered him with a series of questions proust-questionnaire style, in the tradition of "inside the actor's studio." here are the ten questions that i aim to ask every guest in subsequent "twocities conversations":
1. What is your favorite word?
2. What is your least favorite word?
3. What makes you happy?
4. What makes you angry?
5. What is your favorite quality in a man?
6. What is your favorite quality in a woman?
7. Where would you like to live next?
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
9. What profession would you not like to do?
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
just for fun, here are the answers i would give:
1. cacophony
2. retarded
3. hugs
4. stripping away of dignity
5. humility
6. resilience
7. italy
8. chef
9. mechanic
10. "well done, good and faithful servant."
how would you answer these questions?
cups of coffee: 2
mood: excited
it was a lot of fun interviewing steve, especially since he's grown to be a good friend through our years of working together. he's also one of the most gifted, astute and imaginative musicians i know, and he never ceases to amaze me with his breadth of creativity and depth of thinking. he spouted quite a few things tonight that were worth mulling over and digesting - everything from the importance of playfulness in cultivating creativity to the capacity for improvisation and openness to surprises in music and life.
steve shared about the process of songwriting, how inspiration can come in many ways and many shades. there is rigor involved in constantly working and reworking songs, trying this style or that key, setting it in this or that time signature, until the song develops into something you can be satisfied with. there is obvious joy in the process for him - even in talking about songwriting and experimenting with different arrangements, his face lights up and his fingers twitch as if itching to dance across piano keys.
being an excellent musician or artist (or anything in life, i suppose) requires a certain commitment to the "process." there must be a willingness to try and fail (sometimes spectacularly), and fearlessness to take risks. it's not about always obtaining measurable outcomes.
i've learned a lot about process from my time in shanghai, particularly working at twocities. patience was never one of my great virtues, and i usually operate at two speeds: 1) fast and 2) faster. i used to think patience was about waiting: sitting around wearing some calm composure, a face of serenity that could rival the placid visages of mother mary statues, hands folded in gentle acquiescence, waiting. but lately, i've started viewing patience from another perspective: perhaps it's not passive waiting but a very active engagement in the process. our lives are always in some sort of transition - i think those moments of complete inactivity are rare. we are constantly growing and learning, trying and adjusting, succeeding and failing, acquiring and losing. in the midst of it all, we are impatient, wanting to push past this stage, get rid of this or that now, move to the next level, etc. we cannot allow the process to occur and run its natural course. we struggle with being fully present and committed to the process. we grow in discontent.
but to see our life as a work of art - a sculpture being chiseled or a song being penned bar by bar - to allow the process to be and to remain open to what we cannot plan or manipulate...
and how reassuring to know there is a Great Artist who is shaping us, who forms my bones and my days, and who knows exactly where and how the process needs to be....
i am striving to not just learn patience; i am learning to be more present. i am learning to derive more joy from the process.
on a side note, at the end of the interview with steve, i peppered him with a series of questions proust-questionnaire style, in the tradition of "inside the actor's studio." here are the ten questions that i aim to ask every guest in subsequent "twocities conversations":
1. What is your favorite word?
2. What is your least favorite word?
3. What makes you happy?
4. What makes you angry?
5. What is your favorite quality in a man?
6. What is your favorite quality in a woman?
7. Where would you like to live next?
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
9. What profession would you not like to do?
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
just for fun, here are the answers i would give:
1. cacophony
2. retarded
3. hugs
4. stripping away of dignity
5. humility
6. resilience
7. italy
8. chef
9. mechanic
10. "well done, good and faithful servant."
how would you answer these questions?
cups of coffee: 2
mood: excited
Sunday, January 9, 2011
dr. horrible
just watched "dr. horrible's sing-along blog" last night with the bro and sis-in-law.
one word: amazing. how did i miss this two years ago?!? oh wait. i live in china.
the soundtrack itself was worth it - pure genius. don't you wish life were like a musical? i do. a few friends and i attempted that for a day during my freshman year of college: skipping and twirling down the main thoroughfare of our campus, breaking into song and badly choreographed dance in front of a bagel shop. needless to say, only lasted a couple of hours.
cups of coffee: 2
mood: baby, it's cold outside
one word: amazing. how did i miss this two years ago?!? oh wait. i live in china.
the soundtrack itself was worth it - pure genius. don't you wish life were like a musical? i do. a few friends and i attempted that for a day during my freshman year of college: skipping and twirling down the main thoroughfare of our campus, breaking into song and badly choreographed dance in front of a bagel shop. needless to say, only lasted a couple of hours.
cups of coffee: 2
mood: baby, it's cold outside
Sunday, January 2, 2011
celebrations
the holiday season is winding down....for the sake of my stomach, that's a good thing.
actually, that's not true here. chinese new year is right around the corner, and since i'll be spending it this year with my family and extended relatives in taiwan, that means more feasting.
i do have a 3-week respite, though, which i think i will use to detox. no....more...butter.....please.
the past couple of months have been filled to the brim with wonderful meals, laughter-filled evenings and the warm embrace of several circles of friends. thankfulness does not even begin to describe my heart.
here are a few of my favorite holiday images, captured by the trusty instagram app on my iphone:
actually, that's not true here. chinese new year is right around the corner, and since i'll be spending it this year with my family and extended relatives in taiwan, that means more feasting.
i do have a 3-week respite, though, which i think i will use to detox. no....more...butter.....please.
the past couple of months have been filled to the brim with wonderful meals, laughter-filled evenings and the warm embrace of several circles of friends. thankfulness does not even begin to describe my heart.
here are a few of my favorite holiday images, captured by the trusty instagram app on my iphone:
my first hannukah dinner (at a chinese restaurant)
snow in shanghai!
lovely christmas tree at a friend's party
bread art by shanghai young bakers at our gallery party
dumplings on new year's eve! we wrapped under the tutelage of a chinese chef in my kitchen
digging into our sumptuous feast
strawberries and bubbly ready to welcome the new year
cups of coffee: 1 1/2
mood: happy happy new year!
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