the annual purchase of next year's muji planner (in my opinion, the best planner there is out there) is accompanied by both excitement and reflection. there's something so thrilling about the blank pages of a new planner - boxes and lines yet unfilled with all the hopes and occasions of days to come. where will i celebrate my birthday next year? with whom will i break bread for thanksgiving? what are the moments, big and small, that will culminate in my 34th year on this planet?
there is also sour-sweet nostalgia that comes with tossing out this year's planner. actually, i never have the heart to toss it out straight away. i usually take time to flip through the worn pages covered with scribbles, noting the appointments, grocery lists, deadlines, and all the essential and non-essential notations i felt necessary to jot down.
so, in a tradition started last year, here is a month-by-month recount of all that was memorable from 2011...
january:
- hiring a chinese chef and his wife to cook a new year's feast in my kitchen...one of the best new year's celebrations ever with wonderful friends
- bidding dear grace a fond adieu as she makes the move back to the states
- finishing graduate school applications! waiting, waiting...
february:
- chinese new year and massive family reunions in taiwan
- hanneke comes to stay and study chinese for 3 months!
march:
- china folks take IAM encounter in nyc by storm. debut of the urbanity project as well.
- hello, NYU!
- farewell to glen....embarking on the difficult journey of grief
april:
- friend dianne finally comes to visit!
- one last trip to beijing
- buying a one-way ticket back to the states
may:
- long weekend in cambodia, my new country-love
- our last SHAC exhibit in the studio before the area gets torn down to make way for commercial venues. an appropriate homage: "things that disappear"
- dinner and karaoke blowout with hanneke and friends before she heads back to the states
june:
- a string of farewell parties, including a fabulous "brooklyn vs. the district" bash with justin and lauren
- my last day at twocities
july:
- back in america!
- helping my parents move to their new house in a new town
- moving myself to new york and becoming a brooklynite
august:
- fulfilling my dream of attending the jazz-age lawn party on governor's island
- orientation for school
- i score free tickets to a girl talk concert!
september:
- the start of grad school.....
- chinese food and karaoke for my birthday...it's like i never left shanghai
- attending my first "fashion week" event, courtesy of friend ben
october:
- trekking through the snow for a halloween party
- school, school, school
november:
- weekend jaunt up to boston! reunion with hanneke, grace and other friends
- thanksgiving at home with my parents, the first time in 9 years
december:
- wigs, jigs and mistletoe! epic christmas party hosted with my roommates and another friend.
- finishing my first semester of grad school. whew!
- a wonderful christmas spent with my parents and family friends
here's to finishing 2011 well, and to all the adventures to come....
cups of coffee: 1
mood: retrospect-algic
Monday, December 26, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
welcome home
christmas eve service at my parents' chinese-american church was anything but quiet. first off, there were performances involved. we're not talking traditional nativity plays with children dressed as shepherds and sheep, nor are we talking professional, polished productions with special effects and live animals. we're talking a range of songs and skits in chinese and english played out in a talent show of sorts (including a wonderful rousing dance number by the elderly fellowship, cleverly called the "evergreens", led by my mom, an honorary member). we're talking straight-to-the-point "reason for the season" proclamation peppered with "hallelujah's!", with the enthusiasm more than making up for polish and loud impassioned singing making up for musical finesse. the only quiet moment was at the very end, when small white candles jammed through cardboard holders were hastily distributed to the congregation for the singing of "silent night" in chinese. the whole affair was disorganized, boisterous, and beautiful in all its messiness. made me miss shanghai.
during my nine years in china, i only came home once for christmas. so this christmas was special in many ways, but particularly for my parents because they viewed it as their daughter's homecoming. i feel like the prodigal son sometimes - not because i've squandered my inheritance on loose living, but because for many years, i've lived physically and metaphorically so far from home. i'm not saying it's been ten-plus years of terrible decisions; on the contrary, i've learned so much and been blessed to grow in all sorts of unexpected ways. but my fierce inclination towards independence and stubborn self-reliance have definitely led me down paths carved by my strong will. from boston to london and then to shanghai, i was always searching for the next big adventure, the next thing to satisfy. now that i'm settled in new york for at least the next two years, there's a strange and comforting sense of belonging, of having traveled far only to land so near.
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
- T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets
"know the place for the first time." i love that image and everything it encapsulates.
in the six months since i've been back, i've been hit again and again by this overwhelming sense of being home. for the first time in a long time, i live geographically closer to my parents - their house is literally a two and half hour train ride away. and for the first time ever perhaps, i'm not antsy and restlessly peering around the corner to see what's coming. i'm happy to be here, to be fully present and to give thanks for the moment. it is age? is it fatigue/growing laziness? whatever it is, i don't mind.
during my nine years in china, i only came home once for christmas. so this christmas was special in many ways, but particularly for my parents because they viewed it as their daughter's homecoming. i feel like the prodigal son sometimes - not because i've squandered my inheritance on loose living, but because for many years, i've lived physically and metaphorically so far from home. i'm not saying it's been ten-plus years of terrible decisions; on the contrary, i've learned so much and been blessed to grow in all sorts of unexpected ways. but my fierce inclination towards independence and stubborn self-reliance have definitely led me down paths carved by my strong will. from boston to london and then to shanghai, i was always searching for the next big adventure, the next thing to satisfy. now that i'm settled in new york for at least the next two years, there's a strange and comforting sense of belonging, of having traveled far only to land so near.
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
- T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets
"know the place for the first time." i love that image and everything it encapsulates.
in the six months since i've been back, i've been hit again and again by this overwhelming sense of being home. for the first time in a long time, i live geographically closer to my parents - their house is literally a two and half hour train ride away. and for the first time ever perhaps, i'm not antsy and restlessly peering around the corner to see what's coming. i'm happy to be here, to be fully present and to give thanks for the moment. it is age? is it fatigue/growing laziness? whatever it is, i don't mind.
mom leading the "evergreens" in a dance number
"merry christmas!"
cups of coffee: 2
mood: joyful, joyful
Thursday, December 15, 2011
incarnate love
loving people is not easy, mostly because every single person is complicated and difficult. we're all such tangled messes - hiding this, guarding that - all the while desperately wanting to be affirmed and loved. and when we experience a real encounter, when we let down our masks and allow vulnerability to occur, it's beautiful and powerful. we realize how life is meant to be lived.
school has been exhausting the past couple of weeks with final projects and presentations, but life has been rich. my cup overflows with the joy of advent and the wonderful friendships that bless me here. i've had so many fecund conversations with friends lately, full of honesty and hope, i feel like my heart could burst with gratitude. in this season particularly, i am awestruck by the Incarnation, this amazing manifestation of divine love. God came down. He dwelt among us. He touched us and allowed us to touch Him. He walked with us.
and we in turn are called to live and love in this incarnation model. get our hands dirty, roll up our sleeves, mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice. not shy away from the mess, but instead plunge in with resilient hope and tenacious love.
cups of coffee: 2 + 1 green tea
mood: time for bed....
school has been exhausting the past couple of weeks with final projects and presentations, but life has been rich. my cup overflows with the joy of advent and the wonderful friendships that bless me here. i've had so many fecund conversations with friends lately, full of honesty and hope, i feel like my heart could burst with gratitude. in this season particularly, i am awestruck by the Incarnation, this amazing manifestation of divine love. God came down. He dwelt among us. He touched us and allowed us to touch Him. He walked with us.
and we in turn are called to live and love in this incarnation model. get our hands dirty, roll up our sleeves, mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice. not shy away from the mess, but instead plunge in with resilient hope and tenacious love.
cups of coffee: 2 + 1 green tea
mood: time for bed....
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
dance
i loved this article from npr: "the magic of music and a little room to groove"
the author basically sums up why i always feel compelled to dance:
"The world is always moving, cars speeding here and there, the Earth spinning and turning around the sun, and day becomes night and the night becomes day, and even as our lives pass us by we stand still, trapped in the calcified malaise that too often rules our spirits. We've become a world of wallflowers.
What a thing it is to dance, to feel music in your blood, to have your heart alive and your body free."
what a thing, indeed. i think we were wired to celebrate, to worship, to exalt. when we don't, we are robbing ourselves of great joy and denying a vital essence of who we are. i love watching children dance - they're not self-conscious, they're not in it to impress, they're not trying to do all the right moves. they dance to just dance - a simple exuberant expression and natural response to great music they hear.
my roommates and i are throwing a holiday bash this weekend with the theme, "wigs, jigs and mistletoe." i can't wait to dance!
cups of coffee: a bazillion
mood: ugh. end of the semester. please finish soon.
the author basically sums up why i always feel compelled to dance:
"The world is always moving, cars speeding here and there, the Earth spinning and turning around the sun, and day becomes night and the night becomes day, and even as our lives pass us by we stand still, trapped in the calcified malaise that too often rules our spirits. We've become a world of wallflowers.
What a thing it is to dance, to feel music in your blood, to have your heart alive and your body free."
what a thing, indeed. i think we were wired to celebrate, to worship, to exalt. when we don't, we are robbing ourselves of great joy and denying a vital essence of who we are. i love watching children dance - they're not self-conscious, they're not in it to impress, they're not trying to do all the right moves. they dance to just dance - a simple exuberant expression and natural response to great music they hear.
my roommates and i are throwing a holiday bash this weekend with the theme, "wigs, jigs and mistletoe." i can't wait to dance!
cups of coffee: a bazillion
mood: ugh. end of the semester. please finish soon.
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