existential crises

What's your favorite season to have an existential crisis?
Summer's mine, hands down.

I think it's because it feels so unexpected in the summer....you're eating ice cream, swimming in the ocean, drinking on a rooftop, strolling in the park... and all of a sudden you're contemplating the point of it all - what is life, anyway? - and realizing that the sea of people surrounding you, enjoying sunshine and loved ones - every single person will die someday.

So summery, right?

I find having an existential crisis on the most beautiful of days, in the season filled with the most sunlight, strangely comforting. It's as if somehow, all this beauty - painfully wonderful beauty - is at once reality and not. That to be fully present is to also embrace the fleetingness of it all - that all we know is what we know, but it's not all there is. It's sobering, even as I feel drunk with the sweet languidness of these days, thick as the humid air that drips off my skin.

I've seen an increased frequency of existential crises this past year, due to a couple of factors. One, I turned 40. I know 40 is the new 30, blah blah blah, but there's a perspective shift that comes (maybe it's connected to my slowing metabolism and slightly tilting hormones?) with rounding the fourth decade of life. I'm officially over FOMO. I feel at home in my skin and the spots, wrinkles, and extra pounds that it comes with. I care less about where and who I will be someday but more concerned with where and who I am right now.

Two, I celebrated one year of marriage. Being married has expanded my heart in ways I never imagined. The love overwhelms me - which is also frightening. How is my heart capable of loving someone so much - and what is the depth of this vulnerability? What do you do with all this love, especially with our inevitable mortality?

The older I get, the less I know. The more I question. But what I do know - it feels more sure. And I feel ever more grateful - even when thinking about death on a beautiful summer day.

"call me maebe"

if you're an "arrested development" fan, then these mock-up valentines on flavorwire may be the BEST THINGS EVER.

this makes me want to give out valentines to everyone i know. and also to strangers.


cups of coffee:  2

mood:  laughing

l'amour

meditating on some great quotes by c.s. lewis on love:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves 

"A woman's heart should be so close to God that a man should have to chase Him to find her" - C.S. Lewis 

and listen to this magnificent piece of music: "oblivion" by astor piazzolla.

sheer eargasm.

cups of coffee:  2

mood:  sunny days! 

a million words

gorgeous, gorgeous, GORGEOUS wedding photos from kelly, photographer extraordinaire.

speechless.

enjoy:   www.klimagery.com/lisaandpeter


cups of coffee: 2

mood: rested

happy valentiger's day!

celebrating chinese new year in shanghai will never get old for me. i love the flurry of activity right before the holiday commences: the mobs of people preparing for their mass exodus out of the city, migrant workers with a bright smile on their faces and extra spring in their step as they look forward to long-awaited time with their families, flashy red and yellow signs promoting this or that sale amid supermarket aisles overflowing with bags of nuts and candy, the crackle and pop of the occasional early firecrackers set off by eager party people.

but the eve--oh, the actual eve of chinese new year!

for the past few years, some good friends have kindly offered their apartment and roof-top access to hold the new year festivities. cleverly combining chinese new year with valentine's day (the moon and stars somehow lined up in such a way this year), we celebrated "valentiger's day" with yummy treats and fun games. the climax was definitely trekking up to the roof, some of us with wine and cigars in hand, only to be surprised by big soft snowflakes! it rarely snows in shanghai, especially flakes as large as these.


watching fireworks explode in bouquets of light around the city, catching snowflakes on our tongues....it was all very magical.

in honor of valentine's day, here's one of my recent favorite blogs: missed connections. whimsical drawings accompany real-life ads placed in the 'missed connections' of the personals sections on craigslist. this artist captures the flight-of-fancy that colors these ads: serendipitous encounters that last only a few heartbeats, lengthened in memory by the coulda-woulda-shoulda's.

here's a great example of one that i love:


cups of coffee: 2

mood: warm

hip, hip, HOORAY!

on october 14, 2009, my brother surprised his girlfriend with a path of rose petals, a gorgeous bouquet of red roses, a bended knee and a brilliant, beautiful, bling-o-riffic diamond ring. CONGRATULATIONS, PETER AND LISA!


i am absolutely ecstatic for them and excited to be getting a sister(in-law). they are a wonderful, lovely, fun couple. i'm so thankful that i could share an apartment with my brother this past year and a half and experience the great privilege of watching their relationship develop. and i think having a female flatmate hopefully prepared my brother for this next step and this long-term female roommate he's getting.... :)


cups of coffee: 2 (sadly, not enough)

mood: busy busy busy busy

*cute*

really sweet song and video by melpo mene, discovered via my friend traci's blog.

enjoy!




cups of coffee: 1 STRONG cup

mood: happy happy