today was ash wednesday and since i was free at noon, i stopped by the lent service at
park street church (my home church in boston). our church doesn't engage in the practice of dotting the forehead with a smudge of ash - but i sorta wish we did. there's something impacting for me about the gesture and the visible mark of the ash - tangible reminder of how we are truly mere dust, only able to move and have our being because God breathed life into our bones and flesh.
earlier tonight, i stopped by the ministry to folks in/around their 30's to hear my friend, a minister at park street, speak about redefining romance and falling in/staying in love. it's a ginormous topic that could run in a million directions, so i admired her for tackling it. we actually had lunch together yesterday and she was bouncing some thoughts and ideas off me as she was preparing her talk, so i was eager to hear her finished product. all in all, she did a great job talking about love and marriage to a group of folks who were mostly single and antsy if not anxious about the possibility of marriage in their own lives. during the q&a time, someone inquired how to discern if you are truly called to singleness or resigning to it because you are tired of trusting God about marriage. someone else asked about compatibility and how much that should matter when compared to a virtue like conformability (a person's ability to change and grow).
one person asked how do you live a fulfilled life when you possess unfulfilled desires (i thought this was actually the most insightful question posed all evening). my friend answered each question from the eager audience with a wonderful balance of truth and grace. note: most of the question-posers were women.
my friend mentioned the dangers of self-absorption and self-pity in answering the question about unfulfilled desires, and it dawned on me how appropriate it was to have this discussion today, on ash wednesday. somewhere between eden and here, we decided that certain things in life were "owed" us. we deserve to have a good life, we deserve to be happy. anything short of rosy happily-ever-afters was unacceptable, unfair, unjust, etc. we didn't just deem it to be so - we
demand it. ash wednesday reminds us that we are nothing - mere dust blowing around for a few decades before we settle back to the earth from whence we came.
BUT....
there is this strange paradox: though we are nothing, we are deeply and perfectly loved in Christ. though we deserve nothing, we are destined for magnificence. it is only when we learn to lose the white-knuckled desperate grip we have on our lives that we realize - we have everything to gain. not because we deserve it, but because God in His great love deems us worthy to receive.
this may sound strange, but lent is one of my favorite seasons of the year. i enjoy the discipline of giving something up - something that in actuality is so small yet in practice points to the great suffering that Christ endured on my behalf. what i "give up" will always pale in comparison to what Christ sacrificed. i enjoy reflecting on mortality - my own mortality as well as the finite nature of mankind. it's not a morbid thought, just an honest recognition that life is short and a precious gift, something to be treasured and not squandered. i love the quiet sobriety of lent that leads to the joyful explosion that is easter.
easter changes everything.
if easter is true - if there is indeed a Lord who clothed Himself in flesh and dwelt among us, suffered and died on our behalf, and then miraculously rose from the dead, then all of life and the purpose of life has been radically altered. perhaps the point of life is bigger than my own happiness. perhaps the meaning of life is significantly greater than my narrow scope. perhaps in losing myself and my presumptions on life do i indeed find myself and gain life as it was meant to be lived.
cups of coffee: 2
mood: joyful
