This is what we do

I wrote this poem on an Amtrak train at the start of this long weekend.... watching a mother of two dish out shares of lunch from their KFC family order - making sure her kids, her husband, and her parents were fed before she fed herself - and then getting a blanket out of an overhead suitcase halfway through the trip for one of her kids.... I was thinking of how much we women serve as caretakers - either because we're wired to or because we're taught....

This is what we do

We are born to gather—

driven by urges coded in DNA strands

twisting helixes that can’t help but intertwine and pull and connect.

We enter this world with mouths open, fingers grasping,

swallowing swathes of air and light and cries and song.

We are taught to be like Mama,

gifted aprons and dolls,

mimic the swaddling of babes, tilting the bottle just so

while we bake pies of air in plastic ovens.

We are taught to be soft,

soft even as we seek to know the sharpness of our edges,

developing a toughness not unlike the smooth shellac of a crab’s shell.

Beautiful and brittle,

hiding tenderness that spills out of cracks split open.

“Your body is meant to produce life.”

Bodies that become like vessels,

equipped to create and carry other sentient beings,

sowing and harvesting,

a storehouse without end,

Keeper of all things:

sandwiches, medicine, blankets, bandages, kisses, hugs, secrets, knowledge.

We are asked - again and again - to keep it together,

to pull taut the threads,

to pick up pieces even before they fall,

to turn the wheel as if to command the sun to rise -

again and again -

from his sleepy bed.

weekend fun

brunch with dear friends
the whitney biennale (meh.)
keith haring at the brooklyn museum (wow!)

my cup is full and overflowin'.

cups of coffee:  3

mood:  waiting

breather

the busyness of school and work has sadly relegated my blogging to a monthly activity. it's certainly not from a lack of material here - life seems to be bursting at the seams and i'm thankful for every minute.

this past week was spring break, and though i worked every day and hardly had time to myself, it did kick off quite nicely. a friend invited me to join him and his friends for a getaway to the catskills last weekend, and it was exactly what my body and spirit needed. we loaded up the car around 4 in the afternoon on friday, but thanks to manhattan traffic, got off to a slow start. we then deliberated quite a bit on a dinner spot, finally agreeing on chili's (which i hadn't been to in ages), where we proceeded to take our time eating and engaging in conversations so funny, i almost lizzed. stopping to buy groceries for the weekend on the way, we ended up in some kind of strange twilight zone supermarket where the employees were all too friendly (one in particular was strangely knowledgeable and enthusiastic about tomatoes), and a sweet old lady in a purple knitted hat and i got into a lively discussion about club soda in the beverage aisle.

we finally reached our destination, a quaint cottage set back in the woods that my friend found on this site called homeaway. it was 10:30 pm by the time we arrived, much colder than when we set off in the afternoon, and we were eager to unpack and settle by a warm fireplace. we found the key, left graciously for us under the mat near the back door (this was a very safe neighborhood) - but we discovered to our dismay that the lock to the door was broken. the key slipped in quite easily but turned a full 360 without a click or any other sound. still calm, we tried the front door, the side door, the door to the screened porch.....without success. at this point, i was needing to go to the bathroom and regretting all those glasses of iced water consumed at chili's. we called the owner, who resided in long island city, and left a message on her voicemail. we started rattling the windows, hoping to find an unlocked window. while we were at the verge of contemplating actually breaking a window - and my friend brett at this point had already started jiggling door locks with a hairpin - i found a window that was unlocked. hoisting it open, i scrambled on top of a patio chair and clambered through the window without a second thought. i had never been so grateful to jump through a window.

the rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful after our break-in, filled mostly with cooking, eating, and chatting around the fireplace. we did find this set of giant arrows and paper targets in the garage that we fondly called "lawn arrows", and we ended up spending most of our saturday afternoon in a rousing "lawn arrows" match.

 the fierce lawn arrows league

the cottage was lovely, filled with charming corners and peaceful views. my favorite was the screened porch, and i spent some time reading outside each morning with a nice cup of coffee.

saturday dinner was the highlight as far as meals went - though each meal was fantastic. all four of us love to eat and love to prepare food - and i was pleasantly surprised at the guys' skills. brett really wanted to grill steaks, and he ended up concocting this wonderful creation of marinated steaks wrapped with jalapeno peppers and bacon. i'm not even a huge steak lover, but...oh MY....

 the chef at work

 ready for the grill

 the dinner table

the kitchen was unusually well-equipped, possessing even a standing mixer. and there was an impressive collection of books, including a wide array of cookbooks that decorated a shelf along the dining room cupboards. all this made more sense when brett discovered boxes of julie & julia in all different languages in the basement - we had unknowingly rented the cottage from julie powell herself! what a pleasant surprise.

the weekend was a much needed breather, just to get out of the city. i felt every muscle relax in a way that hadn't happened in awhile, and to just breathe the crisp air and fill my eyes with the greenery....bliss. sunday morning, i even saw a cardinal perched in a bush, studying me as i studied him. and a fat squirrel scampering along the fence inspired me to write a poem about that squirrel contemplating his own mortality.

as much as we wanted to stay, the sirens of real life called and we were sad to leave. but oh, what a nice respite....

cups of coffee:  2 + 1 green tea

mood: *sigh*

30-hour respite

just returned from a quick weekend trip to boston - 30 hours to be exact. squeezed it in while new england foliage was still bursting in its glory, right before thanksgiving and the onslaught of my final projects and papers (only 4+ weeks of the semester left....unbelievable).

highlights:
mint chocolate coffee at cafe algiers. chili and beer party at the beautiful l'abri house in southborough. conversations late into the night about love, God, family and community. brunch at IHOP, for old times' sake. 25-cent chicken wings and sunday afternoon football. downtown boston aglow with autumn sunshine. worship at my home church. delightful friends who bring such joy to my heart.

thank you, boston. that was a wonderful and much-needed respite.

cups of coffee: 3

mood:  happy

jazz age lawn party

ever since i first heard about the "jazz age lawn party" via the sartorialist, i've dreamed of getting all glammed up great gatsby style and picnicking on governor's island with other costumed revelers.

well, yesterday, my dream came true.

 amazing orchestra playing swing tunes

 stylish baby buggy...the owner was using it as a food cooler

 shopping for the perfect hat

 this woman knew how to picnic in style. i need to be friends with her in time for next year's lawn party.

 mother and son - note the adorable slingshot in his pocket!

trying to eat a peanut butter sandwich with class

 amazing couples were tearing up the dance floor

 i think this guy actually time traveled from the 1920's

thank you, friends, for a fun afternoon!

and new york - honestly, can i love you more?  i don't think it's possible.....

cups of coffee:  2

mood:  comfy

ah, cambodia!

over china's labor holiday last week, a few friends and i took a quick jaunt down to cambodia. we hired a van and driver who shuttled us between phnom penh and siem reap (a little over 5 hours each way). good eats, great conversations, gorgeous scenery, absolutely lovely people....i was completely enraptured by the place...

 exploring the magnificent temples of angkor

inside angkor wat

 door-to-door monks

fish massage and pedicure - the little fish eat the dead skin off your feet. yech.

life has been moving at a million miles per minute. my mind has been fixed on high speed, and there is so much to process. meanwhile, the days are ticking by....less than two months before i leave shanghai...

cups of coffee:  2

mood:  pensive

all so beautiful

this past weekend was one for the books. one might even call it 'epic'. it started with hanneke's celtic fusion fiddle concert to a crowd of 200+ on friday evening, rolling into a rowdy karaoke night until the wee hours, complete with interpretive dancing and live violin accompaniment on coldplay's "viva la vida." saturday started leisurely and then continued at a lazy pace all afternoon at a bathhouse. saturday night was catching up with the bro and sis-in-law while watching 'community' and 'the office' and feasting on mediterranean takeout. after church on sunday, i gorged on red wine and meat at a friend's brazilian bbq house party, then jumped, swung and twirled my way through a repertoire of scottish dances at another friend's birthday ceilidh. the weekend capped off with an amazing dinner at a xinjiang restaurant, washed down with black beer (a xinjiang specialty) and lots of laughter around a large table.

wow.

the whole weekend was such a gorgeous display of friends, family, food, love, music, dance, joy and all the delightful moments that compose a life well-lived. the joy was contagious: from feet stomping and hands clapping at hanneke's concert; to strangers-cum-friends bonding over heaping plates of black beans with rice and steak at the bbq; to my friend beaming as he celebrated his 38th year of life with an adoring wife, a new baby daughter, and buddies decked out in kilts and toasting him with whiskey....it was all so beautiful.

i felt this tender melancholy strain of unbearable beauty - all these wonderful moments that, as lovely as they were, had to end at some point. all these wonderful joys that point to this longing to experience them forever.

mourning with those who mourn, rejoicing with those who rejoice - we have such capacity for joy and sorrow, for beauty and brokenness. our hearts are too big for these mortal cages.

cups of coffee:  2

mood:  peaceful

on halloween

i don't think i will ever tire of halloween. every other day of the year, i have to act like a respectable adult. i go to work, i pay bills, i dress nicely (most of the time). but on halloween, i can be a kid again. i can wear fantastic costumes, smear bright makeup on my face, dance like a maniac and run around in a sugar-induced (or alcohol-induced) state.

i love it.

i even love the tiny feeling of being scared - i'm not into the blood and gore, but i love that little shaky feeling in my stomach and the chill tingling along my skin from haunted houses and ghost stories. on halloween, there's a sense that there's more to this world than what we see - be they good or evil spirits - and there is room for the imagination to fly.

a city like shanghai loves a good party and takes every occasion to throw decadent bashes. halloween falling on a weekend is like a perfect storm here - lounges, clubs and bars compete like crazy to attract the attention of indulgent partygoers.

some friends and i headed to a 'heaven or hell' party being held in a sumptuous lounge on the bund and then to a 'celtic' halloween party being thrown at an irish pub. the beats were heavy, crowds were friendly, and fun was definitely had.

 getting ready beforehand: a glam angel, ghost and minnie mouse

 zombie hipster, chic punk, deviled egg

 on the dance floor

 wings shot

the locals' reaction to our halloween get-ups

cups of coffee: 1

mood:  wait--it's already november?!?

of beauty, justice and building empires

at dolce & gabbana opening with friends

friday evening, after a great concert at the gallery, some friends and i attended the opening of dolce & gabbana's new store on glizty nanjing road. free flow of champagne, canapes and beautiful people. lavish and ludicrous.

ironically, the next day we held a lecture given by a designer/teacher on the topic of "art and equality" at our gallery. his lecture was a brief overview of philosophical foundations for social justice in the arts and a glance at some inspiring contemporary examples. he packed so much into one hour and though far from comprehensive, his lecture provided much room for continued discourse and deliberation. about 50 people attended, most of them architects, designers or other creative professionals, and i think everyone left with a lot to think about and hopefully with some challenges to consider in their own work.

this morning in my personal reflection time, i came across this passage in frederick beuchner's listening to your life about "a point of no return". beuchner summarizes john marquand's novel, point of no return, in which the protagonist strives his whole life to achieve this one position that he thinks will bring him stability and prestige and when he finally attains it, at the cost of other things in his life, finds it empty and unsatisfactory. sadly, this truth comes too late.

buechner sums up the implications of this protagonist's realization nicely here:

There is nothing moralistic or sentimental about this truth. It means for us simply that we must be careful with our lives because it would seem that they are the only lives we are going to have in this puzzling and perilous world, and so they are very precious and what we do with them matters enormously. Everybody knows that. We need no one to tell it to us. Yet in another way perhaps we do always need to be told, because there is always the temptation to believe that we have all the time in the world, whereas the truth of it is that we do not. We have only a life, and the choice of how we are going to live it must be our own choice, not one that we let the world make for us. Because surely Marquand was right that for each of us there come a point of no return, a point beyond which we no longer have life enough left to go back and start all over again.
- Frederick Buechner

this resonates with every fiber of my being. we are mortal yet we have the capacity to be part of immortal things - to build and cultivate what will ripple through the history to come and into eternity. our time is so limited - so limited! - and with each day, not a breath is promised. we are grateful for each moment.

i want to build empires. i mean that in the sense that i want to be part of something bigger than myself, i want to explore and create with tenacity and fearlessness. the danger here, of course, is the ego and in building empires for the sake of erecting statues in my own image. that is not my intention (not my conscious intention, for the most part). i want to build for the sake of Greater Good and Glory, building empires in light of the Greater Story and the Beautiful Kingdom to come.

we all build empires in big and small ways, in the areas of life where we have been given dominion. whether we are building empires as fashion tycoons or building schools and sustainability in rural villages, we are all contributing to something with our talents and time.

if we know our time is limited, what then shall we choose to build?


cups of coffee: 1 1/2

mood: ready for the day!

of food and friendship

it goes without saying that good food and friendship are part of the beauty to be enjoyed and savored. that for me is often the most tangible reminder of the beautiful that God has implanted in my soul.

tonight was a great celebration of both. the evening started off with a farewell dinner for gina, who is moving back to the states with her husband and children after several years in shanghai. gina (also a fellow blogger) is someone i don't get to see often but i always enjoy my times with her. she is always quick to flash a radiant smile, and i find her to be encouraging, caring, funny and so, so genuine.

twelve of us gathered in a cozy back table at whisk and feasted on pasta, pizza and chocolate...lots of chocolate. i had a late lunch so wasn't terribly hungry, and i opted to spend my calories on a deliciously smooth and rich chocolate mousse. my friend phyllis ordered churros, which are basically spanish doughnuts, and they came with this delightful setup:


i love the tiny whisk to stir up the chocolate sauce as it melts!

the women at this dinner are all very lovely, but i confess, i sort of feel disconnected when i'm with them sometimes. they're all married (i was the only single), most of them have kids, so their worlds revolve around diapers and feedings, playtimes in the park, naps, homework and school...and whatever else women are focused on when they have kids. i spend my time working, attending parties and openings, hanging out with artists and musicians and other creatively inclined folks (who are for the most part single)....and i take care of a cat. i have a few close friends in the group that i get to see quite a bit of, and we always have a lot to talk about. but when we're all together like this...i honestly feel like i'm grasping for conversation topics sometimes.

the beauty, though, lies in the fact that my friendship with these women extends beyond similar circumstances. though we may be in different seasons of life with different priorities and stresses, there is still a connection, a commonality of heart and love for this city and the people who dwell here. there is a common desire to do good and see goodness grow here. there is concerted effort to love others well.

after the dinner, i met up with gallerists from around shanghai for drinks. this is a monthly (realistically, more like every other month) gathering, and someone from the group of gallerists usually rallies everyone to meet up. he/she makes the arrangement for some restaurant/bar to give us a discount on drinks. there's probably about 40-50 people on the email list, and turnout varies at each gathering. tonight was a nice turnout - about 30 of us sipping wine and chit chatting on the patio at cotton's, enjoying the rare coolness of a spring shanghai evening.

i admit, i was reluctant to join these gatherings at first. i assumed it would be a cloud of pretension: interest in conversation as a thin veneer covering self-promotion. i couldn't have been more wrong. i found these gatherings to be very casual and stimulating, with very fascinating people genuinely interested in getting to know one another. it's a wonderfully diverse group: a french woman who is a leading world expert on street art; a german woman single-handedly running a city-wide art map that covers all local exhibition openings; a british man who started his own gallery in china after working for years in auction houses in london, to name a few.

and we don't just talk about art. tonight, conversations i had ranged from the effects of globalization and modernization on shanghai to chinese humor vs. british humor, the two big T taboos in china (tibet and taiwan) to the possibility of learning true objective history.

two very different groups of friends, very different conversation topics. but at the end of the day, both serve as beautiful reminders of our need to be connected, to celebrate and simply converse about the things that matter.


cups of coffee: 3

mood: pensive

weekends in shanghai

weekends in shanghai are never dull. in this city of 18 million bodies, it's hard to find a quiet corner. and there are always a thousand and one fun, interesting events happening that even if i did find a quiet corner, i would most likely be enticed out of it by an invite from a friend (or from a friend of a friend of a friend...). this past week was a classic example of all there is to do in this mind-boggling city:

last saturday, i enjoyed watching the Xgames asia for free (thanks, grayson!). decided i may have missed my calling in motocrossing.

last sunday evening, attended the opening of vargas grill, the latest brainchild of restauranteur extraordinaire eduardo vargas. the opening coincided with his birthday, which meant an amazing spread of canapes and delightful free flow of alcohol. the big man himself celebrated by pouring whisky down the throats of his guests (including yours truly....).

this past friday, started off the evening by attending whisky live, an international whisky tasting event making its debut in china, with a friend. oli was working the event and gave us the VIP treatment. :)

after dinner with friends at german restaurant paulaner (mmm....beer and sausages....), swung by cabaret on the bund to show some support for jazz singer friend jasmine chen. jasmine surprised me by inviting me up on stage to sing a duet with her (a little ditty called 'girl talk' that we performed at one of our gallery concerts a couple of months ago). sing in a swanky nightclub in shanghai? check.

saturday was a gorgeous day spent picnicking with arts group friends in century park. we actually found a grassy knoll with an orchard-esque cluster of trees next to a small stream. wow.

that evening, i attended an exhibition opening with a couple of friends. entitled dingbats brazil, the exhibition featured the work of contemporary brazilian graphic designers and their works of digital pictorial alphabets (aka 'dingbats'). finished the evening off with dinner at a new vietnamese pho restaurant followed by movie night at a friend's home (woody allen's 'annie hall').

one thing's for sure: can't complain about getting bored living here. and as much as this city drives me mad at times, i have to admit, i love living in this bustling, high-energy metropolis with so many options of things to do and experience in any given week.


cups of coffee: 1 1/2

mood: pretty good