in beauty and brokenness

this is the blog post in which i brag about my friend mindy. :)

mindy is a dear friend - the little sister i never had, actually - and she is finishing a year (well, 9 months to be exact) at the trinity forum academy. the academy is a post-graduate program consisting of both rigorous studies and intentional community, aimed at providing an environment that prods participants to investigate how their faith affects their vocational calling.

in their recent newsletter, mindy is highlighted as one of the graduating fellows. an excerpt from her statement of calling, crafted during her fellowship, was included. mindy entered the academy with the intent of honestly and diligently laying down a spiritual foundation for a future career in the arts. her statement of calling rings with such beauty and depth, i think it's best to just repeat it here in her own words:

'Our challenge then, is to wrestle with this shared "secret" of humanity and allow our wrestling to produce fruits of peace. I have written a personal aesthetic to help frame my exploration of what it means to participate in this process of reconciliation as a poet, a peacemaker. Ephesians 2:10a declares that because we are saved by grace alone, "we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works." In its original form, the first clause reads, "autou gar esmen poiema," meaning, "for we are poems."

'As a result of Christ's death and resurrection, our lives have the capacity to embody poetry. We are to address the world in all its beauty and brokenness, as we hold it in tension with its completed peace. Therefore because Christ lives in us, we are likewise able to imagine and respond to all of life in the manner of poets—moving from an evocation of questions to a meditation upon life. What we can see passes away, but what is imagined and lived out in faith leads us to an inexpressible joy and the salvation of our souls. This piece is an effort that both defines and stretches my understanding of what it means to employ our imaginations for His glory.'

there are two parts from her statement that really hit me: "the world in all its beauty and brokenness" and "what is imagined and lived out in faith." to deny either the beauty or brokenness is to paint a one-sided image of reality. the result is either trite and insufficient or dismal cynicism. to fully hold the beauty and brokenness, to see the world beyond current realities and in its full intended potential means that we must imagine, we must dare to dream and hope. and what a beautiful thing that itself is--to imagine with a reckless joy and childlike wonder. i suppose that's why we're drawn to fairy tales and fantasies, fascinated by tales of magic and heroes that battle evil and save kingdoms.

to dream is not enough, though. to live out in faith - to grasp the straws of possibility and begin to etch them into the world we know, that is where the reconciliation and reconstruction occurs. it doesn't have to be grandiose - it's often in the simple and the familiar that we plant and cultivate truths. to forgive, to share, to encourage, to hope...gestures that convey greater virtues.

one more item of pride: included in the newsletter was a link to one of the poems mindy penned as part of her research portfolio: "what is wild and strange." enjoy.


cups of coffee: 3

mood: o insanity, how i love and loathe thee....

steadfast

poetry reading for the day: john keats.

Bright Star

Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art--
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like nature's patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors--
No--yet still steadfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever--or else swoon to death.


i watched the movie "bright star" a few months ago (it was on my list of must-see movies) and absolutely loved it. the film depicts the relationship between john keats and fanny brawne - a devoted, passionate love sadly cut short by keats' death. the film moves slowly but eloquently, their love for each other declared through poems and well-chosen prose.

after keats died, fanny cut her hair short, dressed in black, and adorned her fingers with the rings keats had given her. she came out of mourning six years later, and eventually married, more than 12 years after keats' death.

wow. imagine a love like that?

whatever happened to faithfulness? whatever happened to comparing the one you love to a star that hangs resolutely in the night sky--patient, watchful. commitment seems so dispensable today.


cups of coffee: 2 + a whole lotta green tea

mood: mopey

ophelia

friend grace sent me the video of natalie merchant singing at TED awhile back: phenomenal. here's the link.

natalie breathes new life into obscure 19th century poetry by pairing them with haunting and soulful melodies. she also talks about each poem and poet as if they are old friends and not mere subjects of research.

watching the video prompted me to dig out my old natalie merchant albums, and i've been listening to ophelia recently. i forget how absolutely beautiful that album is. it's a heavy album, better for a rainy day than a walk in the park. but there's this wonderful, silvery beauty that underlies the melancholy.

it's not just the music; her lyrics are stunning. listening to "king of may" nearly brings tears to my eyes every time. my favorite track is "when they ring the golden bells," a rendition of an 1880's hymn. listening to it, i feel as if i'm floating down the river jordan, strumming a guitar, straining to see the distant shore. lovely.

cups of coffee: 1

mood: streeeeeetch

the goethe project

an acquaintance of mine posted on her facebook this lovely quote from johann wolfgang von goethe:

"One should...listen to a little song, read a good poem, or look at a fine painting every single day, and if possible say something sensible about it."

she changed her blog's title to "the goethe project", vowing to commit 40 days to writing thoughtful, reflective, intentional posts as a way to build a creative ritual. the hope is, of course, that the practice doesn't end with the 40 days but continues as a lifelong habit.

inspiring. a couple of other friends have attempted the 30 days of creativity, forcing their hand literally to create something each day for 30 days.

i am the worst at discipline. the best at visualizing discipline, the worst at actual realization. i start with the truest intentions but somewhere along the way i always get terribly distracted, busy, bored, and honestly, just plain lazy.

there are just too many things i long to learn--not just learn, but be really good at. i want to knit. i want to flamenco dance. i want to speak italian. and that's just the tip of a ridiculously long list of things i've already studied and abandoned: french, violin, belly dancing, boxing...

add on top of that other essentials such as work, personal relationships, keeping up on current events, reading for pleasure, exercise, sleeping, eating....forget it. all i want to do is curl up on the couch, turn my brain on auto-pilot, and pop in a "seinfeld" dvd.

perhaps i should attempt "the goethe project" as well. life has been insane with a capital IN, but maybe it's in the midst of insanity that the need for discipline is even more imperative. besides the lovely quote stated above, goethe also spouted the following quote - similar concept with more of an "oomph":

"A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry, and see a fine picture every day of his life, in order that worldly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul."

(goethe penned many gems - more here)

to not obliterate the sense of the beautiful...perhaps that's a key to true rest. it's not about withdrawing from the world and retreating into my cocoon--i've done that before and still felt tired. maybe it's about satisfying my soul with beauty, feasting and savoring in such a way that my heart feels fed and my body restored. to be reminded of the beauty that does flourish in this world, of the goodness and light that triumph in a world shadowed by despair. to know that everything will turn out all right: there is beauty and joy to be experienced now, and even more to come that we will one day celebrate. it is to see the beauty implanted in our soul and how that reflects the Beauty of the One who placed it there. to gaze into that Ultimate Beauty and be content.

ok. so, 30 days of deliberate beauty and sensibility. here goes.


cups of coffee: 1

mood: spring! spring! spring!

dignity

i had the recent privilege to hear steven garber speak, and i loved what he had to say about faith, creativity and the arts. what he said about telling stories of truth and affirming dignity really impressed upon my mind the most.

dignity is a common theme in the things close to my heart. i get the most angry when someone's dignity has been violated--whether it be a person or animal, and my heart just hurts when individuals don't realize their own worth. i suppose it's the notion that all of creation bears the marks of majesty bestowed by their Majestic Creator, and to not be aware of that--to not live in light of that....what a tragedy. it's terrible enough that we don't recognize how we personally bear the image of our Creator, the beautiful gift that we have been given. it's even more horrible to think of the ways we rob, destroy, and strip the dignity of those around us in big and small ways.

i scribbled this little ditty the other day while thinking about what it means to see the dignity in others. nothing complex, but i really wanted to just paint simple imagery--childlike almost--because dignity should be a basic core of our human experience.

Dignity Passes By

Beneath the eaves, in the summer heat,

she shuffles by with blistered feet,

and ne’er a kind glance her eyes do meet,

but Dignity passes by.

The boy and girl with soiled cheeks,

behind closed doors and shutters peek,

shy and curious, with smiles so sweet

as Dignity passes by.

His body wearied by disease,

struggling and laboring as he breathes,

his family’s faces, once more, to seek,

Dignity…please pass by.

Millions of strangers rush the streets,

a hundred faces per chance we greet,

in their eyes, do we truly see

Dignity passing us by?

cups of coffee: 2

mood: scattered

better city...

"the expo is coming! the expo is coming!" it's almost like paul revere's famous midnight ride...minus the redcoats and add a lot of chinese. less ominous, more hopeful anticipation. plus one big blue gumby impostor dubbed "haibao".

12 days until the world expo officially opens, drawing years of preparations and months of drilling and construction to a close, only to kick off six months of events, visitors and orderly "civility." all 11 subway lines are now open, sprawling like veins under the surface of the city. each subway station is equipped with a bag scanner and guards directing passengers to toss their bags onto the painfully slow conveyor belt. some guards are more vigilant than others; at one particular security checkpoint, i recalled guards who looked no older than 16, bored and inattentive as i glided past the machine with my tote still firmly strapped on my shoulder.

i have to admit: i am not at all excited about the expo. annoyed would be the more apt adjective. i am dreading the influx of visitors (predicted to consist more of chinese from around the country than overseas tourists), the heightened security, the inundation (aka propaganda overload) of the mantra--i mean, motto--that is being chanted, posted, plastered, flashed everywhere: "better city, better life."

in the midst of all my complaining, i am trying to figure out how to love my neighbors more. not just the sweet family that lives down the hall from me or the couple at the vegetable market that i buy all my produce from, but the people i pass every day on the streets and in the subway cars. i don't want to murmur, "love thy neighbor, love thy neighbor," through grinding teeth as i endure the push and shove of crowds in mass transit or dodge a speeding taxi as i scramble across the road. i want to say it, believe it, breathe it. i want to mean it.

so i'm taking baby steps, exercising my tolerance as i brace myself for the masses that will descend upon this city in the coming months. and one thing i've discovered: starting small is good. and the simplest start? smiling. just smiling. smiling when someone cuts me in line. smiling when i get an elbow to the head during rush hour on the subway.

smiling is disarming. popping a smile instead of a frown, a string of obscenities, or the middle finger certainly does more in defusing a potentially tense situation. smiling at perfect strangers somehow eases down the guard, shortens the distance, reminds us that we're human and allows this inexplicable connection to happen. i've been trying it recently--even and especially when i don't feel like it--and i've felt the difference. i may not always feel the love. but it's a movement towards love, an act of volition and a step of faith.

on another note that is semi-related, the urbanity project continues, full steam ahead! we've been able to receiving substantial funding for the project, thanks to generous donors and foundations, and submissions are pouring in. we bumped the deadline back to may 1 to give everyone (including yours truly) more time to finish work for submission.

i've been privileged to meet some amazing people during this process of promoting the urbanity project and sharing ideas with others. one such person is the photographer and writer behind the beautiful blog, shanghai street stories. definitely a blog to keep an eye on:

http://shanghaistreetstories.wordpress.com/


cups of coffee: 2

mood: o spring, where art thou? please don't be a tease.

oh happy day

this is the year of coinciding holidays in china. the lunar new year fell on valentine's day, and now qingming festival (also known as "tomb sweeping day") happens to fall around easter.

one can't help but consider the contrasts between the two holidays. qingming festival centers around remembering and honoring the dead: visiting the tombs of ancestors, offering libations, kowtowing before stone graves. it's a time to demonstrate filial piety to your ancestry, to tend the graves of the dearly departed while welcoming the green of spring life.

easter also involves remembering a grave, but not in mourning - rather, it involves the jubilant celebration of an empty tomb. it declares victory over the grave and exuberance at the promise of eternal life. the budding life of spring merely symbolizes the new life - the full life - we have in the One who has risen and conquered death.

on easter, i remember what i too often forget - that i have been rescued and redeemed. that i am not my own and yet my life is more abundant than i can ever imagine. i make room for the miraculous. i am awed - childlike again - by glory.

and all that seems sad and wrong with the world pales in comparison to the blinding fact that resounds with easter morn: He is risen!

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand
- lyrics from "In Christ Alone"

happy easter, friends.


cups of coffee: 2

mood: joyful, joyful