love and stuff

i loathe valentine's day. always have - even when i had a boyfriend to celebrate it with. this holiday feels so contrived to me, and with the added societal pressures dictating romance and how such affection ought to be expressed - even the best of intentions end up muffled by bushels of roses and an army of teddy bears.

this holiday is particularly ridiculous here in shanghai: roses of every shade (including blue) with glitter-tinged petals bursting from vendor carts on practically every street corner, the wide-eyed stares from stuffed animals' heads peering forth from bouquets (literally, bouquets), each western restaurant attempting to out-advertise the other with their "couples' specials", young chinese couples who already embody the very definition of PDA taking it up another notch today from sidewalks to subway cars....you get the idea.

the weather today, however, did feel somewhat magical. snowflakes have swirled and danced through a silvery sky all afternoon, invoking both serenity and mystery.

saw my parents off at the airport this morning, wrapping up their 3-week jaunt around shanghai and taiwan. the older i get, the more i enjoy my parents' company. maybe it's because i don't easily get embarrassed anymore. or because i've learned to see them not just as parents but as interesting people, beautiful and complicated with all their quirks. or because i realize that life happens fast, and the fleeting time we have with loved ones ought to be treasured.

okay, so maybe that's my real beef with valentine's day. why designate one specific day as the day to express your love? why jack up the prices on dinners and flowers and shroud this one calendar date with all the jittery expectations of what love should look like? i suppose the reality is that we are all busy people and without holidays and occasions to mark our time, we would live in a rush of forgetfulness and frenzy from day to day. the celebration of holidays allows us to step back from our routines and consider certain values and traditions that enrich our lives.

it's not enough to be reminded for one day. whether we are contemplating love or thanksgiving, forgiveness or renewal, the celebration of holidays should prompt us to consider and reconsider the values and priorities by which we live our lives and choose (perhaps yet again) what is worth living for.

mood:  quiet

cups of coffee:  3

one more...

one more favorite image from the taiwan trip....

three generations: me, mom and grandma. 25 years between each. guess i broke the pattern....

cups of coffee: 2

mood: relaxing

the "other" china

one week in taiwan with my parents, brother and sister-in-law - my first trip back in 18 years. massive family reunions and good meal after good meal. gorgeous scenery and cities teeming with vibrant night markets. civility. ah, taiwan, how i do love thee - you have captured both my heart and my stomach.

lots of thoughts percolating in my mind, but for now, some of my favorite images from the trip.

 peter and lisa enjoying the best peanut shaved ice ever

 dad and his brother at one of their favorite childhood haunts

 the tings

 downtown hsinchu. my parents are adorable. :)

 my grandma. hope i look this good at 82!

 hong baos! (red envelopes) usually given to children. are we too old? nah....

lunch with my dad's side of the family

a million and one strands of thoughts and flickers of feelings are still flowing through me....i will try and process via blogging over the next few days. still playing host to my parents in shanghai this week, though, so will be busy with shopping, eating, and all that other good stuff.

i will say this: knowing where you come from is crucial to knowing who you are. it doesn't necessarily dictate who you are and who you will become, but your bloodlines, family history, nuances of culture...all that is genetically encoded and traditionally passed down to compose pieces of you provide deep insight to how you are who you are.

i have a whole new respect for and interest in tracing genealogies.

cups of coffee: 2

mood:  laaaaaaaaazy

shanghai life-cycle

when i first arrived in shanghai 8+ years ago, i was determined to "be chinese". taking language classes at a university, i surrounded myself with chinese friends, plunged into the cuisine and culture with fervent tenacity, spending most of my waking moments wanting to love and learn china.

and then i realized i would never fully be chinese - there is so much american in me. and in the eyes of the chinese, i would never be completely regarded as a foreigner as well. so i struggled for a few years, wrestling with the tension of being both-and-neither, trying to tame the anger and frustrations in my heart. during this period, i also transitioned from student status to young professional in shanghai, navigating all the ins-and-outs of work visas, taking jobs that pay the bills, salaries that barely cover the bills, and negotiating with chinese landlords. and the whole young expat scene - ah, yes.

i dove into the wild, intoxicating shanghai nightlife, especially after i took a position working at an art gallery that required schmoozing with the shanghai glitterati (or glitterati remoras). parties, clubs, neon dance floors and tipsy nights. it was at once exhilarating and exhausting.

now i've reached a certain calm - in my shanghai lifestyle but perhaps also stage of life. it may be a certain tediousness that comes with even the most robust and seductive nightlife a city has to offer. it may be that i'm settling comfortably in my 30s and no longer feel the need to prove my twenty-something self. some other friends who once cruised the party circuit with me agree: all that once glittered is certainly not gold and at the end of the day, we all crave for something more solid and sure.

my current phase can best be described as "nesting" - i think the cold weather is partly to blame. in the past week, i've hosted four dinners with friends: cooking, laughing, eating and connecting over mounds of good food and glasses of wine. incredibly nourishing to the body and soul. chinese, foreigners, from various walks of life and faith backgrounds...all of us sharing our struggles and joys in this simple act of living life day to day.

i like where i'm at now.


cups of coffee:  1 1/2 with soy milk

mood:  vacation!

process...ing

tonight we kicked off a new series at the art gallery: "twocities conversations". our hope is that this series would focus on the creative process and the lovely overlap of art and life as we interview various musicians and artists with whom we work. our first guest was steve sweeting, a brilliantly talented jazz pianist who we've been collaborating with for five years. i hosted the program as the interviewer, putting some of my journalistic training to work (thanks, BU) and living out one of my daydreams as a talk show host (move over, oprah).

it was a lot of fun interviewing steve, especially since he's grown to be a good friend through our years of working together. he's also one of the most gifted, astute and imaginative musicians i know, and he never ceases to amaze me with his breadth of creativity and depth of thinking. he spouted quite a few things tonight that were worth mulling over and digesting - everything from the importance of playfulness in cultivating creativity to the capacity for improvisation and openness to surprises in music and life.

steve shared about the process of songwriting, how inspiration can come in many ways and many shades. there is rigor involved in constantly working and reworking songs, trying this style or that key, setting it in this or that time signature, until the song develops into something you can be satisfied with. there is obvious joy in the process for him - even in talking about songwriting and experimenting with different arrangements, his face lights up and his fingers twitch as if itching to dance across piano keys.

being an excellent musician or artist (or anything in life, i suppose) requires a certain commitment to the "process." there must be a willingness to try and fail (sometimes spectacularly), and fearlessness to take risks. it's not about always obtaining measurable outcomes.

i've learned a lot about process from my time in shanghai, particularly working at twocities. patience was never one of my great virtues, and i usually operate at two speeds: 1) fast and 2) faster. i used to think patience was about waiting: sitting around wearing some calm composure, a face of serenity that could rival the placid visages of mother mary statues, hands folded in gentle acquiescence, waiting. but lately, i've started viewing patience from another perspective: perhaps it's not passive waiting but a very active engagement in the process. our lives are always in some sort of transition - i think those moments of complete inactivity are rare. we are constantly growing and learning, trying and adjusting, succeeding and failing, acquiring and losing. in the midst of it all, we are impatient, wanting to push past this stage, get rid of this or that now, move to the next level, etc. we cannot allow the process to occur and run its natural course. we struggle with being fully present and committed to the process. we grow in discontent.

but to see our life as a work of art - a sculpture being chiseled or a song being penned bar by bar - to allow the process to be and to remain open to what we cannot plan or manipulate...
and how reassuring to know there is a Great Artist who is shaping us, who forms my bones and my days, and who knows exactly where and how the process needs to be....

i am striving to not just learn patience; i am learning to be more present. i am learning to derive more joy from the process.

on a side note, at the end of the interview with steve, i peppered him with a series of questions proust-questionnaire style, in the tradition of "inside the actor's studio." here are the ten questions that i aim to ask every guest in subsequent "twocities conversations":

1. What is your favorite word?
2. What is your least favorite word?
3. What makes you happy?
4. What makes you angry?
5. What is your favorite quality in a man?
6. What is your favorite quality in a woman?
7. Where would you like to live next?
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
9. What profession would you not like to do?
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

just for fun, here are the answers i would give:

1. cacophony
2. retarded
3. hugs
4. stripping away of dignity
5. humility
6. resilience
7. italy
8. chef
9. mechanic
10. "well done, good and faithful servant."


how would you answer these questions?


cups of coffee: 2

mood: excited

dr. horrible

just watched "dr. horrible's sing-along blog" last night with the bro and sis-in-law.

one word: amazing. how did i miss this two years ago?!? oh wait. i live in china.

the soundtrack itself was worth it - pure genius. don't you wish life were like a musical? i do. a few friends and i attempted that for a day during my freshman year of college: skipping and twirling down the main thoroughfare of our campus, breaking into song and badly choreographed dance in front of a bagel shop. needless to say, only lasted a couple of hours.


cups of coffee: 2

mood: baby, it's cold outside

celebrations

the holiday season is winding down....for the sake of my stomach, that's a good thing.
actually, that's not true here. chinese new year is right around the corner, and since i'll be spending it this year with my family and extended relatives in taiwan, that means more feasting.
i do have a 3-week respite, though, which i think i will use to detox. no....more...butter.....please.

the past couple of months have been filled to the brim with wonderful meals, laughter-filled evenings and the warm embrace of several circles of friends. thankfulness does not even begin to describe my heart.

here are a few of my favorite holiday images, captured by the trusty instagram app on my iphone:

 my first hannukah dinner  (at a chinese restaurant)

 snow in shanghai!

 lovely christmas tree at a friend's party

 bread art by shanghai young bakers at our gallery party

 dumplings on new year's eve! we wrapped under the tutelage of a chinese chef in my kitchen

 digging into our sumptuous feast

strawberries and bubbly ready to welcome the new year

cups of coffee: 1 1/2

mood: happy happy new year!