so i'm sitting in a small, hip restaurant in soho with my friend, brunching and discussing the discipline of thanksgiving and gratitude. i'm sharing about my grad school process and the current state of waiting to hear back from schools and feeling simultaneously at peace and antsy. our food arrives (duck confit salad for me, irish breakfast for him) along with two tall glasses of chock-full-of-goodness-for-you green tea, and we bow our heads to say grace.
shortly after we raise our heads and dig into our food, my cell phone rings. i then notice that i've actually had 3 missed calls from my parents and they're calling again. i answer the phone to the static strains of joyous shouting and hollering on their end. my friend is cracking up as i try to hold a dignified, quiet phone conversation in an intimate restaurant while my parents are making all sorts of noise.
they checked the mail that morning and received a letter from NYU - my first choice for graduate school.
it looks like i'm moving to new york. :)
cups of coffee: 1 + 1 delicious green tea with barley
mood: elated!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
ashes to ashes
today was ash wednesday and since i was free at noon, i stopped by the lent service at park street church (my home church in boston). our church doesn't engage in the practice of dotting the forehead with a smudge of ash - but i sorta wish we did. there's something impacting for me about the gesture and the visible mark of the ash - tangible reminder of how we are truly mere dust, only able to move and have our being because God breathed life into our bones and flesh.
earlier tonight, i stopped by the ministry to folks in/around their 30's to hear my friend, a minister at park street, speak about redefining romance and falling in/staying in love. it's a ginormous topic that could run in a million directions, so i admired her for tackling it. we actually had lunch together yesterday and she was bouncing some thoughts and ideas off me as she was preparing her talk, so i was eager to hear her finished product. all in all, she did a great job talking about love and marriage to a group of folks who were mostly single and antsy if not anxious about the possibility of marriage in their own lives. during the q&a time, someone inquired how to discern if you are truly called to singleness or resigning to it because you are tired of trusting God about marriage. someone else asked about compatibility and how much that should matter when compared to a virtue like conformability (a person's ability to change and grow).
one person asked how do you live a fulfilled life when you possess unfulfilled desires (i thought this was actually the most insightful question posed all evening). my friend answered each question from the eager audience with a wonderful balance of truth and grace. note: most of the question-posers were women.
my friend mentioned the dangers of self-absorption and self-pity in answering the question about unfulfilled desires, and it dawned on me how appropriate it was to have this discussion today, on ash wednesday. somewhere between eden and here, we decided that certain things in life were "owed" us. we deserve to have a good life, we deserve to be happy. anything short of rosy happily-ever-afters was unacceptable, unfair, unjust, etc. we didn't just deem it to be so - we demand it. ash wednesday reminds us that we are nothing - mere dust blowing around for a few decades before we settle back to the earth from whence we came.
BUT....
there is this strange paradox: though we are nothing, we are deeply and perfectly loved in Christ. though we deserve nothing, we are destined for magnificence. it is only when we learn to lose the white-knuckled desperate grip we have on our lives that we realize - we have everything to gain. not because we deserve it, but because God in His great love deems us worthy to receive.
this may sound strange, but lent is one of my favorite seasons of the year. i enjoy the discipline of giving something up - something that in actuality is so small yet in practice points to the great suffering that Christ endured on my behalf. what i "give up" will always pale in comparison to what Christ sacrificed. i enjoy reflecting on mortality - my own mortality as well as the finite nature of mankind. it's not a morbid thought, just an honest recognition that life is short and a precious gift, something to be treasured and not squandered. i love the quiet sobriety of lent that leads to the joyful explosion that is easter. easter changes everything.
if easter is true - if there is indeed a Lord who clothed Himself in flesh and dwelt among us, suffered and died on our behalf, and then miraculously rose from the dead, then all of life and the purpose of life has been radically altered. perhaps the point of life is bigger than my own happiness. perhaps the meaning of life is significantly greater than my narrow scope. perhaps in losing myself and my presumptions on life do i indeed find myself and gain life as it was meant to be lived.
cups of coffee: 2
mood: joyful
earlier tonight, i stopped by the ministry to folks in/around their 30's to hear my friend, a minister at park street, speak about redefining romance and falling in/staying in love. it's a ginormous topic that could run in a million directions, so i admired her for tackling it. we actually had lunch together yesterday and she was bouncing some thoughts and ideas off me as she was preparing her talk, so i was eager to hear her finished product. all in all, she did a great job talking about love and marriage to a group of folks who were mostly single and antsy if not anxious about the possibility of marriage in their own lives. during the q&a time, someone inquired how to discern if you are truly called to singleness or resigning to it because you are tired of trusting God about marriage. someone else asked about compatibility and how much that should matter when compared to a virtue like conformability (a person's ability to change and grow).
one person asked how do you live a fulfilled life when you possess unfulfilled desires (i thought this was actually the most insightful question posed all evening). my friend answered each question from the eager audience with a wonderful balance of truth and grace. note: most of the question-posers were women.
my friend mentioned the dangers of self-absorption and self-pity in answering the question about unfulfilled desires, and it dawned on me how appropriate it was to have this discussion today, on ash wednesday. somewhere between eden and here, we decided that certain things in life were "owed" us. we deserve to have a good life, we deserve to be happy. anything short of rosy happily-ever-afters was unacceptable, unfair, unjust, etc. we didn't just deem it to be so - we demand it. ash wednesday reminds us that we are nothing - mere dust blowing around for a few decades before we settle back to the earth from whence we came.
BUT....
there is this strange paradox: though we are nothing, we are deeply and perfectly loved in Christ. though we deserve nothing, we are destined for magnificence. it is only when we learn to lose the white-knuckled desperate grip we have on our lives that we realize - we have everything to gain. not because we deserve it, but because God in His great love deems us worthy to receive.
this may sound strange, but lent is one of my favorite seasons of the year. i enjoy the discipline of giving something up - something that in actuality is so small yet in practice points to the great suffering that Christ endured on my behalf. what i "give up" will always pale in comparison to what Christ sacrificed. i enjoy reflecting on mortality - my own mortality as well as the finite nature of mankind. it's not a morbid thought, just an honest recognition that life is short and a precious gift, something to be treasured and not squandered. i love the quiet sobriety of lent that leads to the joyful explosion that is easter. easter changes everything.
if easter is true - if there is indeed a Lord who clothed Himself in flesh and dwelt among us, suffered and died on our behalf, and then miraculously rose from the dead, then all of life and the purpose of life has been radically altered. perhaps the point of life is bigger than my own happiness. perhaps the meaning of life is significantly greater than my narrow scope. perhaps in losing myself and my presumptions on life do i indeed find myself and gain life as it was meant to be lived.
cups of coffee: 2
mood: joyful
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
i'm a-tumbling
i obviously need another social media platform because twitter, facebook, foursquare, linked in, jumo, instagram and blogging just aren't cutting it. must - be - more - connected!
just set up a tumblr account and am lovin' it. what's different? it's like microblogging/scrapbooking. bits and pieces of images, text and even sound composing a hodgepodge of whatever strikes my fancy. so far, so fun!
here's my tumblr site:
http://hellocosmos.tumblr.com/
come tumble with me! :)
cups of coffee: none yet but craving a soy latte RIGHT NOW
mood: slowly waking
just set up a tumblr account and am lovin' it. what's different? it's like microblogging/scrapbooking. bits and pieces of images, text and even sound composing a hodgepodge of whatever strikes my fancy. so far, so fun!
here's my tumblr site:
http://hellocosmos.tumblr.com/
come tumble with me! :)
cups of coffee: none yet but craving a soy latte RIGHT NOW
mood: slowly waking
Monday, March 7, 2011
hello, i love you
conversations on beauty and rehumanization. poetry that transcends the mundane to rub against Divinity's edges. skylines and fire escapes. late night drinks and even later dancing. songs that thread life's moments of joy and sorrow. reunion of friends from different continents. rainy afternoons and red mango. getting lost in the art. dreaming about the future and all that is to come.
much more to share, but still processing and running from one thing to another.
new york, i love you, and not just because the t-shirt told me to.
cups of coffee: 0! (still early)
mood: achoo! sniffle, sniffle.... :(
Monday, February 14, 2011
love and stuff
i loathe valentine's day. always have - even when i had a boyfriend to celebrate it with. this holiday feels so contrived to me, and with the added societal pressures dictating romance and how such affection ought to be expressed - even the best of intentions end up muffled by bushels of roses and an army of teddy bears.
this holiday is particularly ridiculous here in shanghai: roses of every shade (including blue) with glitter-tinged petals bursting from vendor carts on practically every street corner, the wide-eyed stares from stuffed animals' heads peering forth from bouquets (literally, bouquets), each western restaurant attempting to out-advertise the other with their "couples' specials", young chinese couples who already embody the very definition of PDA taking it up another notch today from sidewalks to subway cars....you get the idea.
the weather today, however, did feel somewhat magical. snowflakes have swirled and danced through a silvery sky all afternoon, invoking both serenity and mystery.
saw my parents off at the airport this morning, wrapping up their 3-week jaunt around shanghai and taiwan. the older i get, the more i enjoy my parents' company. maybe it's because i don't easily get embarrassed anymore. or because i've learned to see them not just as parents but as interesting people, beautiful and complicated with all their quirks. or because i realize that life happens fast, and the fleeting time we have with loved ones ought to be treasured.
okay, so maybe that's my real beef with valentine's day. why designate one specific day as the day to express your love? why jack up the prices on dinners and flowers and shroud this one calendar date with all the jittery expectations of what love should look like? i suppose the reality is that we are all busy people and without holidays and occasions to mark our time, we would live in a rush of forgetfulness and frenzy from day to day. the celebration of holidays allows us to step back from our routines and consider certain values and traditions that enrich our lives.
it's not enough to be reminded for one day. whether we are contemplating love or thanksgiving, forgiveness or renewal, the celebration of holidays should prompt us to consider and reconsider the values and priorities by which we live our lives and choose (perhaps yet again) what is worth living for.
mood: quiet
cups of coffee: 3
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
one more...
one more favorite image from the taiwan trip....
mood: relaxing
three generations: me, mom and grandma. 25 years between each. guess i broke the pattern....
cups of coffee: 2
mood: relaxing
Monday, February 7, 2011
the "other" china
one week in taiwan with my parents, brother and sister-in-law - my first trip back in 18 years. massive family reunions and good meal after good meal. gorgeous scenery and cities teeming with vibrant night markets. civility. ah, taiwan, how i do love thee - you have captured both my heart and my stomach.
lots of thoughts percolating in my mind, but for now, some of my favorite images from the trip.
lots of thoughts percolating in my mind, but for now, some of my favorite images from the trip.
peter and lisa enjoying the best peanut shaved ice ever
dad and his brother at one of their favorite childhood haunts
the tings
downtown hsinchu. my parents are adorable. :)
my grandma. hope i look this good at 82!
hong baos! (red envelopes) usually given to children. are we too old? nah....
lunch with my dad's side of the family
a million and one strands of thoughts and flickers of feelings are still flowing through me....i will try and process via blogging over the next few days. still playing host to my parents in shanghai this week, though, so will be busy with shopping, eating, and all that other good stuff.
i will say this: knowing where you come from is crucial to knowing who you are. it doesn't necessarily dictate who you are and who you will become, but your bloodlines, family history, nuances of culture...all that is genetically encoded and traditionally passed down to compose pieces of you provide deep insight to how you are who you are.
i have a whole new respect for and interest in tracing genealogies.
cups of coffee: 2
mood: laaaaaaaaazy
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