bit of a recap

happy (belated) new year!
almost six months since my last post, feels like a lost cause trying to catch up. life has been nothing short of busy, breathless, sometimes frenetic but always interesting. it's hard to imagine that less than three years ago, i moved to nyc knowing only a handful of friends and carrying nothing but a few suitcases and a whole lotta hope. my, how the good Lord has blessed me again and again with open doors and timely provisions. grateful doesn't even begin to describe it.

in short, in the last six months:
- work has challenged and pushed me in all sorts of ways and directions. i've been privileged to manage art projects that have been featured on npr, in nytimes, wall street journal....
- i've been settling down slowly but surely at redeemer presbyterian as my home church here. putting down roots is not easy in a city as fast-paced, transient and commitment-cautious as new york, but i'm forcing myself.
- along those lines, i'm figuring out what it means to really live here. grad school didn't feel like real life here - now it's starting to feel like real life. but finding rhythms and patterns is tough - it feels like the pace and volume of work often leave very little margin. and there's always something to do and someone to catch up with. even my "off" days can feel very much "on."
- i started dating this really great guy. i've never been so happy....and i'm turning into a sap. :)

for a better snapshot of the last few months, here are actual snapshots.....

(all photos taken by author, not to be used or reproduced without permission) 

cups of coffee:  2

mood:  joy

men vs. boys

mindy kaling's book is a delight: funny yet surprisingly profound at certain turns. i loved the chapter on 'men and boys', finding myself resonating with some of her revelations and confessions. here's a great excerpt:

Until I was thirty, I only dated boys, as far as I can tell. I'll tell you why. Men scared the shit out of me.
Men know what they want. Men make concrete plans. Men own alarm clocks. Men sleep on a mattress that isn't on the floor. Men tip generously. Men buy new shampoo instead of adding water to a nearly empty bottle of shampoo. Men go to the dentist. Men make reservations. Men go in for a kiss without giving you some long preamble about how they're thinking of kissing you. Men wear clothes that have never been worn by anyone else before. (Okay, maybe men aren't exactly like this. this is what I've cobbled together from the handful of men I know or know of, ranging from Heathcliff Huxtable to Theodore Roosevelt to my dad.) Men know what they want and they don't let you in on their inner monologue, and that is scary.
Because what I was used to was boys.
Boys are adorable. Boys trail off their sentences in an appealing way. Boys bring a knapsack to work. Boys get haircuts from their roommate, who "totally knows how to cut hair." Boys can pack up their whole life in a duffel bag and move to Brooklyn for a gig if they need to. Boys have "gigs." Boys are broke. And when they do have money, they spend it on a trip to Colorado to see a music festival. Boys don't know how to adjust their conversation when they're talking to their friends or to your parents. They put parents on the same level as their peers and roll their eyes when your dad makes a terrible pun. Boys let your parents pay for dinner when you all go out. It's assumed.
Boys are wonderful in a lot of ways. They make amazing, memorable, homemade gifts. They're impulsive. Boys can talk for hours with you in a diner at three in the morning because they don't have regular work hours. But they suck to date when you turn thirty.

- Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out With Me? (And Other Concerns)

my mantra now that i'm comfortably situated in my mid-30's: "date men, not boys."


cups of coffee:  3

mood:  relaxed

bliss-filled blur

one official week of summer left....it's been a happy blur. just the thought of recapping everything seems overwhelming, so instead i'm slapping photos on here to summarize my summer since it's more fun to look at images anyway.

all photos taken by author, not to be used or reproduced without permission

cups of coffee:  1

mood:  full heart

milestones

so i graduated....

...and started working here.

life just got insanely busy and deliriously real.


cups of coffee:  2

mood:  happy-tired

happenstance?

two friends ran the boston marathon on monday, both slated to finish around 3 pm when the explosives went off. one friend planned on pushing his two young sons in a jogging stroller to the finish line, but ended up running slower than anticipated and was two miles away when the explosions occurred. another friend was running bandit and tracking his run with his phone, which he lost around mile 14, so he stopped. these seemingly small, and perhaps even irritable gestures at the time became merciful acts of protection in retrospect.

for many people, circumstances did not work out to their physical protection on monday. a delayed minute or two there, running faster or slower, deciding to watch the race or not that day, caused them their life or their limbs. choices that seemed insignificant ended up monumental.

we can call it many things: happenstance, coincidence, fate, luck. but at the end of the day, we are struck by this hard realization that our independent actions are actually not so independent after all - we are woven into a greater tapestry, and our action and inaction affect others and vice versa. what we think we have control over is frighteningly uncontrollable.

every moment matters - let us be conscious of that. but let us not live in fear but in faith. for those who subscribe to belief in a Higher Power, one that is sovereign and loving, we are able to walk through the moments of our lives with confidence. we ultimately have no control, but a God who is all-powerful and gracious does. and even in times of darkness and devastation, we can cling to the knowledge that in Christ, this is a God who entered that darkness and suffered as well. He did not shy from persecution and death but plunged right into the heart of it and emerged victorious from the tomb. this is a God who does not avoid suffering but chose to endure it. most importantly, He triumphed, giving us a way to triumph as well.

this is my consolation as i continue to grieve with those who grieve in boston and around the world. we cannot ignore the reality of pain and suffering, but we also need not be crushed by it. we do not know how our actions will play out or how our days will unfold, but if we can trust in a greater glory and a higher hope, then we know that all things - even when they are very, very awful - can still work out for good.


cups of coffee:  1

mood:  mourning

boston love

you are a city that's been so good to me - you took me in as a young adult, as i tried out my fledgling wings and learned to stand on my own two feet. you gave me my first true experience of community, from lifelong friends to a church that i still call home. you challenged me, encouraged me, showed me beauty in acts of human flourishing. you still hold for me pockets of quiet retreat, old haunts that i'm always happy to stomp around.

yesterday, someone decided to perform an act so horrendous, so atrocious, attempting to gut the joy out of one of your most cherished traditions on a day that celebrates not just you but our nation. o, boston, my heart is heavy for you. i grieve with you as you grieve the loss of loved ones. i demand justice be laid with a strong arm on the perpetrators. i seek comfort and solace for those who are hurt and frightened.

but you are resilient, boston. you are a tough city and you always have been. most of all, there is a God who is sovereign and merciful, and He is ever present to heal the wounded and bind the brokenhearted. He has not forgotten you, even in this present darkness, and He will bring forth your light again.

 Copley Square, photo taken by Eva

 Museum of Fine Arts, photo taken by Eva

cups of coffee:  1

mood:  sad

and there was much rejoicing

7 1/2 months of research and writing....almost 8 if you count some of the work that started in the summer. 30 sources cited of various mediums and sizes, from books to online articles. countless cups of coffee.
blood, sweat and tears...well, apart from a few paper cuts, mostly sweat and tears of fatigue.

finally. it's finished. all 76 pages of it, from cover to cover.

printing out my master's thesis on archival paper and sticking it in one of these special binders felt quite archaic in this digital age, but i admit there was also something extremely satisfying about creating something tangible and feeling the weight of my labor.

i've learned so much throughout this research process, and for this i'm very thankful.

now it's one step closer to graduation......


cups of coffee:  1

mood: free