winter solstice

on this longest night of the year...a little reminder....


Prayer at Winter Solstice
- Dana Gioia

Blessed is the road that keeps us homeless.
Blessed is the mountain that blocks our way.

Blessed are hunger and thirst, loneliness and all forms of desire.
Blessed is the labor that exhausts us without end.

Blessed are the night and the darkness that blinds us.
Blessed is the cold that teaches us to feel.

Blessed are the cat, the child, the cricket, and the crow.
Blessed is the hawk devouring the hare.

Blessed are the saint and the sinner who redeem each other.
Blessed are the dead, calm in their perfection.

Blessed is the pain that humbles us.
Blessed is the distance that bars our joy.

Blessed is this shortest day that makes us long for light.
Blessed is the love that in losing we discover.


mood:  pensive

cups of coffee:  3

no such matter

Farewell! thou art too dear for my possessing,

And like enough thou knowst thy estimate.

The Charter of thy worth gives thee releasing;

My bonds in thee are all determinate.

For how do I hold thee but by thy granting,

And for that riches where is my deserving?

The cause of this fair gift in me is wanting,

And so my patent back again is swerving.

Thy self thou gav’st, thy own worth then not knowing,

Or me, to whom thou gav’st is, else mistaking,

So thy great gift, upon misprision growing,

Comes home again, on better judgement making.

   Thus have I had thee as a dream doth flatter:

   In sleep a king, but waking no such matter.

- Sonnet 87, William Shakespeare

cups of coffee: a lot

mood:  ...........

wisdom for the ages

just celebrated 36 years on this planet. THIRTY. SIX. YEARS.

and what wisdom have i gained from this span of time? the following basically sums it up:

1) Everything is a sh**show. You just have to decide which sh**show you can put up with.
2) People are idiots. Myself included.
3) There's nothing more satisfying than a drawer full of clean underwear.

that's it. that's all i got.

here's to more wisdom to come. 



cups of coffee: 2

mood: goodness gracious

consider the lilies

Consider the lilies of the field,
the blue banks of camas
opening into acres of sky along the road.
Would the longing to lie down
and be washed by that beauty
abate if you knew their usefulness,
how the natives ground their bulbs
for flour, how the settlers' hogs
uprooted them, grunting in gleeful
oblivion as the flowers fell?

And you - what of your rushed
and useful life? Imagine setting it all down -
papers, plans, appointments, everything -
leaving only a note: "Gone
to the fields to be lovely. Be back
when I'm through with blooming."

Even now, unneeded and uneaten,
the camas lilies gaze out above the grass
from their tender blue eyes.
Even in sleep your life will shine.
Make no mistake. Of course
your work will always matter.

Yet Solomon in all his glory
was not arrayed like one of these.

- Lynn Ungar, Camas Lilies


transitions. new chapters. moving on and growing up. all the while, considering the lilies.


cups of coffee: 1 hot, 1 iced

mood:  content

thinking of scaffolds

SCAFFOLDING

Masons, when they start upon a building,
Are careful to test out the scaffolding;

Make sure that planks won't slip at busy points,
Secure all ladders, tighten bolted joints.

And yet all this comes down when the job's done
Showing off walls of sure and solid stone.

So if, my dear, there sometimes seems to be
Old bridges breaking between you and me

Never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall
Confident that we have built our wall.

- Seamus Heaney


cups of coffee:  1 1/2
mood:  happy

bit of a recap

happy (belated) new year!
almost six months since my last post, feels like a lost cause trying to catch up. life has been nothing short of busy, breathless, sometimes frenetic but always interesting. it's hard to imagine that less than three years ago, i moved to nyc knowing only a handful of friends and carrying nothing but a few suitcases and a whole lotta hope. my, how the good Lord has blessed me again and again with open doors and timely provisions. grateful doesn't even begin to describe it.

in short, in the last six months:
- work has challenged and pushed me in all sorts of ways and directions. i've been privileged to manage art projects that have been featured on npr, in nytimes, wall street journal....
- i've been settling down slowly but surely at redeemer presbyterian as my home church here. putting down roots is not easy in a city as fast-paced, transient and commitment-cautious as new york, but i'm forcing myself.
- along those lines, i'm figuring out what it means to really live here. grad school didn't feel like real life here - now it's starting to feel like real life. but finding rhythms and patterns is tough - it feels like the pace and volume of work often leave very little margin. and there's always something to do and someone to catch up with. even my "off" days can feel very much "on."
- i started dating this really great guy. i've never been so happy....and i'm turning into a sap. :)

for a better snapshot of the last few months, here are actual snapshots.....

(all photos taken by author, not to be used or reproduced without permission) 

cups of coffee:  2

mood:  joy

men vs. boys

mindy kaling's book is a delight: funny yet surprisingly profound at certain turns. i loved the chapter on 'men and boys', finding myself resonating with some of her revelations and confessions. here's a great excerpt:

Until I was thirty, I only dated boys, as far as I can tell. I'll tell you why. Men scared the shit out of me.
Men know what they want. Men make concrete plans. Men own alarm clocks. Men sleep on a mattress that isn't on the floor. Men tip generously. Men buy new shampoo instead of adding water to a nearly empty bottle of shampoo. Men go to the dentist. Men make reservations. Men go in for a kiss without giving you some long preamble about how they're thinking of kissing you. Men wear clothes that have never been worn by anyone else before. (Okay, maybe men aren't exactly like this. this is what I've cobbled together from the handful of men I know or know of, ranging from Heathcliff Huxtable to Theodore Roosevelt to my dad.) Men know what they want and they don't let you in on their inner monologue, and that is scary.
Because what I was used to was boys.
Boys are adorable. Boys trail off their sentences in an appealing way. Boys bring a knapsack to work. Boys get haircuts from their roommate, who "totally knows how to cut hair." Boys can pack up their whole life in a duffel bag and move to Brooklyn for a gig if they need to. Boys have "gigs." Boys are broke. And when they do have money, they spend it on a trip to Colorado to see a music festival. Boys don't know how to adjust their conversation when they're talking to their friends or to your parents. They put parents on the same level as their peers and roll their eyes when your dad makes a terrible pun. Boys let your parents pay for dinner when you all go out. It's assumed.
Boys are wonderful in a lot of ways. They make amazing, memorable, homemade gifts. They're impulsive. Boys can talk for hours with you in a diner at three in the morning because they don't have regular work hours. But they suck to date when you turn thirty.

- Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out With Me? (And Other Concerns)

my mantra now that i'm comfortably situated in my mid-30's: "date men, not boys."


cups of coffee:  3

mood:  relaxed