making a name

this past week, two figures of renown passed away: amy winehouse and john stott. one was talented, tormented and died way too young; the other older, wiser, and a steward of a faithful life. i've been considering their lives, the sharp contrasts in which they lived and died, and in light of that, considering my own life.

moving to nyc has been an easy transition in some ways and challenging in others. the acclimation from one major city to another has been with relative ease, thankfully: learning to navigate new streets, maneuver a different subway system, explore new restaurants, bars and other venues. it's funny the things i've found actually difficult to adjust to: remembering to recycle, making small talk with strangers, finding correct change from the mess of coins (once familiar but now so, so foreign) in my purse.

a friend asked me the other day what is perhaps most daunting about living in nyc. i have to say it's this general pressure to be someone, to make a name for yourself. everything here moves at this frantic pace towards something, towards this faceless intangible called 'success.' i don't want to get caught up in it, but i can see how tempting it can be when the current is so strong and so wide.

on a pride level, i do miss my life in shanghai in this respect. working at the gallery and being part of the smaller social circles in shanghai, it was flattering to attend preview openings, restaurant openings, gala events, VIP dinners....it made me feel like "somebody." even though i know my identity is rooted elsewhere, the trappings were nice.

perhaps it's a good thing to be a "nobody" again. :) it's definitely humbling after becoming accustomed to a certain way of life. and a good reminder of where my true identity and home lie.

cups of coffee: 1 + 1 iced chai

mood: sweatin'

oh, brooklyn

i've been an official brooklynite for 48 hours. here's the short list of my likes and dislikes thus far:

likes:
- my roommates. all 3 are medical residents. yes, they are fun, attractive, smart and cool like the docs on "grey's anatomy." no, they are not all sleeping with one another. and yes, apparently there is a lot of drama that happens with the hospital staff. they keep sharing gossip with me about their colleagues whom i haven't met yet.
- my neighborhood. there's an amazing homemade yogurt place down the street - check, that's TWO yogurt places. there are fun cafes, bars and restaurants. a decent-sized supermarket is a 5-minute stroll away and a 24-hour dunkin' donuts is right on the corner. AND the subway station is literally across the street.
- my neighbors. actually, the one neighbor i've met so far. my bedframe collapsed suddenly last night and the neighbor downstairs was kind enough to bring his toolbox up this evening and fix my bed. i wanted to bake him cookies to thank him but he's on the zone diet. so i'm gonna give him a bottle of vino instead.
- the apartment. it's a good size with a decent kitchen and two bathrooms.

dislikes:
- the apartment. my bedroom is a closet. everything is old and falling apart. and my roommates are all busy so i've been the default cleaning lady thus far. i miss my ayi terribly.
- the subway system. nyc's subway system is extensive but oh-so-run-down. but then again, i have been spoiled by shanghai's state-of-the-art subway trains and fully air conditioned stations.
- cost of living. everything is so &$^#%@ expensive in general here.
- my landlord. he actually lives in north carolina so isn't present to deal with any apartment issues. and apparently he's not the most pleasant person unless you're able to get on his good side. i miss being my own landlord.

all in all, the transition has been smooth. i think it hit me for the first time yesterday that i am indeed back in america and living in new york of all places. i feel like i'm re-learning american culture every day.

met with my advisor today and registered for classes! wow. it's really happening....

cups of coffee:  2

mood:  mixed feelings

the greatest thing since sliced bread

okay, that might be a slight exaggeration. but this is pretty great.

i recently discovered 8tracks, which is a site that provides, in their own words, "handcrafted internet radio." it - is - genius. for someone like me who loves music, discovering new artists, and composing playlists that capture certain moods, moments, scenarios... this is like heaven. you can share your mixes and listen to others. some people are superb at crafting mixes, and you can follow them and be updated on whatever new playlists they concoct. and if you like a certain song, it's linked to amazon so you can purchase the song with a click. let me reiterate - genius.

i uploaded my first mix a couple of days ago, entitled "spring-ing." here it is:

http://8tracks.com/everting/spring-ing

enjoy!

cups of coffee: 2

mood:  bloated and busy

adjustments

resettling into your home culture after having been away for a lengthy period of time is akin, i imagine, to waking up from a coma. everything is, to borrow a popular phrase from thailand, "same same but different." it's not just your environment that's changed - you've changed as well.

in many ways, my first week back to the states feels no different than any other visit home i've made in the past 9 years: i sleep a lot, eat a lot, and generally soak up sun, sales and super-fast internet speed. i think the reality of having moved back to the states for good (for now) won't hit me until a few more weeks, when i would normally be packing up my suitcases again and squeezing in as much time as possible with family and friends. time on american soil, which once felt precious to spare, now feels abundant.

i admit my re-entry so far has been a soft landing. apart from helping my parents pack and prepare to move house, the days have been mostly languid and lazy: lots of naps, home cooked meals, scenes of green hills and blue sky (and the occasional deer or groundhog) from our yard, and sessions of wii fit.

culture shock, however, hasn't been completely absent, particularly in small-town america. a few observations:

- i've been watching some TV - not much, just a little. it's terrible. i can't tell if media is dumbing things down for us or if the american public is getting too dumb to accept anything more intelligent. okay, that might be harsh. but the combination of reality shows featuring people that you'd probably punch in the face if you were to actually meet, lack of shame in baring all your problems and your family's problems for your countrymen to dissect, and ridiculous competitions in which everyone wants to prove they have talent when actually most of them do not.....it almost makes me want to sell our television set.

- there is such a culture of fear. from the news reporting ominous tales of terrorists and disease-ridden foods to commercials that scare you into buying medication, insurance and all sorts of other products that claim to protect, i find myself hyperventilating whenever the TV is on. again, makes me want to just chuck the whole thing out the window.
note: maybe china was like that as well, but i never watched TV in china. i opted to get my news from online western sources, and since i was able to pick and choose the articles i wanted to read, perhaps i didn't feel the bombardment of watching the evening news and having so much tragedy and terror hurled at me.

- everything is so convenient. everything is just a quick drive away, and whatever you want to buy is packaged, processed and neatly prepared so you need only to do minimal work. easy peasy.
on a related note, the amount of junk food cramming the aisles of supermarkets is appalling. i was nearly blinded by the manic packaging colors and the even more manic colors of the foods themselves. (this was also over july fourth weekend, so maybe it was kicked up a notch for the holiday.....)

- everyone is so friendly. gratuitously friendly. and maybe it's small-town america, but freely dispensing too much unnecessary information.

- everyone has an opinion, and dammit, we're entitled to give it. and we're entitled to our rights, and no one is going to tell us differently. case in point: my flight from newark to albany was inexplicably delayed for 2 hours (the flight itself only took less than 45 minutes). the counter agent was not the most informative, but perhaps he wasn't being given that much information either. he was a slightly abrasive middle-aged italian-american man, and he didn't handle the irritated passengers' queries with the smoothest of manners. people did not like that - and they let him know. there was a lot of mouthing back, someone even 'booed', and the woman seated next to me was on her phone instantly, calling continental's customer service and reporting his less-than-satisfactory behavior.

another example - while working out at the gym today, i watched president obama conduct a townhall via twitter. observing our nation's leader having to answer to the people - i've missed that dearly during my time abroad.

- the proverbial belt has definitely been cinched. whereas everything in china is currently geared towards "spend! spend! spend!", there is a noticeable conscious coupon-cutting and penny-pinching culture happening here.

perhaps i've grown more critical over the years as well. things that i accepted as normal almost a decade ago i may now question, viewed through the lens of an outsider.


cups of coffee:  2

mood:  sleepy. naps do not help jetlag.

home

back in the U.S. of A! just in time for independence day.

the last couple of weeks in shanghai were a blur - packing, shipping boxes, repacking, purging, more packing, more purging. squeezed in there as well were social events galore - trying to see as many friends as possible. i think i slept an average of 4 hours per night.

now that i'm home, the last month seems a fuzzy dream. shanghai itself sometimes seems a fuzzy dream. i slept for most of today and will be spending the next couple of weeks helping my parents pack and move to their new house. and then moving myself to nyc.

two images from my last day in shanghai:

 good-bye

 packed and ready to go

and my first image of america!

it's good to be back!

mood:  sleepy, still

cups of coffee:  1 1/2

Counting down...

One more week left in Shanghai!
This past week at a glance, seen through images courtesy of Instagram.


cups of coffee: 2? 3?

mood:  holy crap. i have a lot to do.

last day

yesterday was my last day at the gallery. so strange to turn in my keys, clean out my desk, and walk out those heavy wooden doors for the last time (as a gallery employee at least).

i started out this job almost 5 years ago with practically non-existent management experience and bottom-of-the-barrel art knowledge. i was timid, uncertain, naive and intimidated. the gallery was just starting out - a little place with big dreams. now, 5 years later, we've established a solid presence in shanghai, known for the high caliber of our exhibitions and events as well as the sincerity of our hospitality. i couldn't be prouder to have been part of this amazing venture.

in the past several weeks, many folks have expressed to me their appreciation for my part in building twocities and how i've helped to grow it. to be honest, this job and this place have perhaps grown me more than i've grown it.

though fear and uncertainty will still strike me every now and then, this job has increased my confidence and capacity in ways i hadn't imagined. i hope i'm not speaking out of arrogance - it's more of a sense of pride in doing good work, in knowing failure is inevitable but resilience is possible, and in knowing that if what you are doing is true and meaningful, people will sit up and take notice.

i've learned to develop a thicker skin, to let things slide and pick my battles. i've learned to manage people (not my favorite thing to do) and in managing, aim to truly care for those under my wing. i've learned to be firm and saccharine at the same time - sometimes the only way to get things done around here, especially as a woman. i've learned to read the many shades of nuance in chinese culture and to read people more proficiently. i've learned to not fear failure.

and there is, of course, all the nitty-gritty of the art business that i've learned along the way. but that's a whole other blog post in itself.

most of all, i've learned more about who i am and how the Lord has created me. i've been made more aware of my strengths and weaknesses and in doing so, have gained a fuller understanding of how He's designed me. i've discovered the things i'm passionate about, the places where my skills and God's heart intersect. i've realized what makes me come alive. i've learned what it means to listen to and follow your calling.

thank you, twocities. it's been an often challenging, frequently frustrating but truly remarkable journey.

cups of coffee:  1 1/2

mood:  bittersweet