weekend fun

brunch with dear friends
the whitney biennale (meh.)
keith haring at the brooklyn museum (wow!)

my cup is full and overflowin'.

cups of coffee:  3

mood:  waiting

timing

my devotional today, from streams in the desert:


“And when forty years were expired, there appeared to him in the wilderness of Mount Sinai an angel of the Lord in a flame of fire in a bush, saying, I have seen the affliction of my people which is in Egypt, and I have heard their groaning, and am come down to deliver them. And now come, I will send thee into Egypt” (Acts 7:30, 32, 34).
That was a long wait in preparation for a great mission. When God delays, He is not inactive. He is getting ready His instruments, He is ripening our powers; and at the appointed moment we shall arise equal to our task. Even Jesus of Nazareth was thirty years in privacy, growing in wisdom before He began His work. –Dr. Jowett
God is never in a hurry but spends years with those He expects to greatly use. He never thinks the days of preparation too long or too dull.
The hardest ingredient in suffering is often time. A short, sharp pang is easily borne, but when a sorrow drags its weary way through long, monotonous years, and day after day returns with the same dull routine of hopeless agony, the heart loses its strength, and without the grace of God, is sure to sink into the very sullenness of despair. Joseph’s was a long trial, and God often has to burn His lessons into the depths of our being by the fires of protracted pain. “He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver,” but He knows how long, and like a true goldsmith He stops the fires the moment He sees His image in the glowing metal. We may not see now the outcome of the beautiful plan which God is hiding in the shadow of His hand; it yet may be long concealed; but faith may be sure that He is sitting on the throne, calmly waiting the hour when, with adoring rapture, we shall say, “All things have worked together for good.” Like Joseph, let us be more careful to learn all the lessons in the school of sorrow than we are anxious for the hour of deliverance. There is a “need-be” for every lesson, and when we are ready, our deliverance will surely come, and we shall find that we could not have stood in our place of higher service without the very things that were taught us in the ordeal. God is educating us for the future, for higher service and nobler blessings; and if we have the qualities that fit us for a throne, nothing can keep us from it when God’s time has come. Don’t steal tomorrow out of God’s hands. Give God time to speak to you and reveal His will. He is never too late; learn to wait.
–Selected
“He never comes too late; He knoweth what is best;
Vex not thyself in vain; until He cometh–REST.”
Do not run impetuously before the Lord; learn to wait His time: the minute-hand as well as the hour-hand must point the exact moment for action.


hmmmm. timing is everything.


cups of coffee: 3(!)

mood:  quiet, quiet

lenten poem

lovely and true words to start the day, via mockingbird:

A gracious Sabbath stood here while they stood
Who gave our rest a haven.
Now fallen, they are given
To labor and distress.
These times we know much evil, little good
To steady us in faith
And comfort when our losses press
Hard on us, and we choose,
In panic or despair or both,
To keep what we will lose.

For we are fallen like the trees, our peace
Broken, and so we must
Love where we cannot trust,
Trust where we cannot know,
And must await the wayward-coming grace
That joins living and dead,
Taking us where we would not go–
Into the boundless dark.
When what was made has been unmade
The Maker comes to His work.

- Sabbaths, II
Wendell Berry


cups of coffee:  1, so far

mood:  spring-ing!

rounding the bend

this year for lent, i decided to give up alcohol, dating and chocolate. now that we're rounding the bend into the second half of lent, the cravings and itch i once felt have settled (more or less) into a compliant new mode of operating. i'd be lying if i said i didn't miss all three things, but it also holds true that i feel great without them.

lent is one of my favorite seasons: i love inflicting a certain sense of self-deprivation, testing my will, meditating on the suffering Christ endured on mankind's behalf, and rejoicing in the wholeness and satisfaction i can experience in Christ. it's a relief to name and abstain from certain default coping mechanisms and crutches. it's freeing to break cold turkey from old patterns and seek to replace them with new patterns.

a couple of years ago i discovered this great online lent devotional website, and i've been using it ever since. today's reflection talks about new life and God's renewal of all things. what a wonderful reminder as we pass the halfway mark of lent: the woe and darkness felt at the beginning of this season is moving into hope and gladness. the light is near, joy is tangible and all things new are rearing their heads.

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
    you have loosed my sackcloth
    and clothed me with gladness,
that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
    O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

(Psalm 30:11-12)


cups of coffee:  working on 1 right now

mood:  hopeful

breather

the busyness of school and work has sadly relegated my blogging to a monthly activity. it's certainly not from a lack of material here - life seems to be bursting at the seams and i'm thankful for every minute.

this past week was spring break, and though i worked every day and hardly had time to myself, it did kick off quite nicely. a friend invited me to join him and his friends for a getaway to the catskills last weekend, and it was exactly what my body and spirit needed. we loaded up the car around 4 in the afternoon on friday, but thanks to manhattan traffic, got off to a slow start. we then deliberated quite a bit on a dinner spot, finally agreeing on chili's (which i hadn't been to in ages), where we proceeded to take our time eating and engaging in conversations so funny, i almost lizzed. stopping to buy groceries for the weekend on the way, we ended up in some kind of strange twilight zone supermarket where the employees were all too friendly (one in particular was strangely knowledgeable and enthusiastic about tomatoes), and a sweet old lady in a purple knitted hat and i got into a lively discussion about club soda in the beverage aisle.

we finally reached our destination, a quaint cottage set back in the woods that my friend found on this site called homeaway. it was 10:30 pm by the time we arrived, much colder than when we set off in the afternoon, and we were eager to unpack and settle by a warm fireplace. we found the key, left graciously for us under the mat near the back door (this was a very safe neighborhood) - but we discovered to our dismay that the lock to the door was broken. the key slipped in quite easily but turned a full 360 without a click or any other sound. still calm, we tried the front door, the side door, the door to the screened porch.....without success. at this point, i was needing to go to the bathroom and regretting all those glasses of iced water consumed at chili's. we called the owner, who resided in long island city, and left a message on her voicemail. we started rattling the windows, hoping to find an unlocked window. while we were at the verge of contemplating actually breaking a window - and my friend brett at this point had already started jiggling door locks with a hairpin - i found a window that was unlocked. hoisting it open, i scrambled on top of a patio chair and clambered through the window without a second thought. i had never been so grateful to jump through a window.

the rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful after our break-in, filled mostly with cooking, eating, and chatting around the fireplace. we did find this set of giant arrows and paper targets in the garage that we fondly called "lawn arrows", and we ended up spending most of our saturday afternoon in a rousing "lawn arrows" match.

 the fierce lawn arrows league

the cottage was lovely, filled with charming corners and peaceful views. my favorite was the screened porch, and i spent some time reading outside each morning with a nice cup of coffee.

saturday dinner was the highlight as far as meals went - though each meal was fantastic. all four of us love to eat and love to prepare food - and i was pleasantly surprised at the guys' skills. brett really wanted to grill steaks, and he ended up concocting this wonderful creation of marinated steaks wrapped with jalapeno peppers and bacon. i'm not even a huge steak lover, but...oh MY....

 the chef at work

 ready for the grill

 the dinner table

the kitchen was unusually well-equipped, possessing even a standing mixer. and there was an impressive collection of books, including a wide array of cookbooks that decorated a shelf along the dining room cupboards. all this made more sense when brett discovered boxes of julie & julia in all different languages in the basement - we had unknowingly rented the cottage from julie powell herself! what a pleasant surprise.

the weekend was a much needed breather, just to get out of the city. i felt every muscle relax in a way that hadn't happened in awhile, and to just breathe the crisp air and fill my eyes with the greenery....bliss. sunday morning, i even saw a cardinal perched in a bush, studying me as i studied him. and a fat squirrel scampering along the fence inspired me to write a poem about that squirrel contemplating his own mortality.

as much as we wanted to stay, the sirens of real life called and we were sad to leave. but oh, what a nice respite....

cups of coffee:  2 + 1 green tea

mood: *sigh*

all sorts of joy

my brother just turned 30....and he and his wife have officially announced they are expecting! our family is giving thanks with all sorts of joy.

my sis-in-law planned a surprise party for peter, and my parents scanned and emailed a bunch of our childhood pictures for the party. amazing to think we were once this little.....

sibling relationships are funny things. no matter how old we get, i will always think of peter as this little shy boy who followed me around like an eager shadow. and he still asks me for advice from time to time, even though he's now a grown man and the head of his own household. i was and always will be fiercely protective of him, willing to fight anyone or anything for his well-being. i imagine some day, we'll be two senior citizens still cracking jokes and acting like a couple of goofballs whenever we hang out together.

i'm so thankful for my brother and for the gift of a new life that he and lisa have been blessed with. here's to giving thanks for past joys and future joys!


cups of coffee:  1

mood:  relaxing....

the mean reds

 Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

- Breakfast at Tiffany's

cups of coffee: 2 + 1 cup hot chocolate

mood: ..............