i am tired. my brain is fried, my body is both jittery from caffeine and completely wiped from lack of sleep. i am living, breathing and even dreaming of the overwhelming amount of work that stands between me and relative freedom this summer. two more weeks. and i am grouchy.
but then.
i remember the wonderful privilege i have to live in what is inarguably the greatest city in the world. i remember that it is a gift to have the physical, mental and financial capacities to attend graduate school. i remember the amazing group of friends i have here, all that i'm learning - both good and hard, and the ways the Lord has provided again and again, beyond abundance. i count all my blessings and then some. and i am truly, truly thankful.
cups of coffee: a bazillion
mood: persevere, persevere.....
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
l'amour
meditating on some great quotes by c.s. lewis on love:
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
mood: sunny days!
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
"A woman's heart should be so close to God that a man should have to chase Him to find her" - C.S. Lewis
and listen to this magnificent piece of music: "oblivion" by astor piazzolla.
sheer eargasm.
cups of coffee: 2
Monday, April 16, 2012
the world offers itself to your imagination....
a lovely poem to meditate on today....
Wild Geese
by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
******
a little over 3 weeks left of the semester. the weather is gorgeous. officially registered for my fall classes. meeting next week to kick off the arduous process of thesis researching and writing.
the light of summer vacation is blinking, steadily and ever less faintly, at the end of the tunnel....
please, brain, don't check out now.....
cups of coffee: 2 + 1 green tea
mood: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Wild Geese
by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
******
a little over 3 weeks left of the semester. the weather is gorgeous. officially registered for my fall classes. meeting next week to kick off the arduous process of thesis researching and writing.
the light of summer vacation is blinking, steadily and ever less faintly, at the end of the tunnel....
please, brain, don't check out now.....
cups of coffee: 2 + 1 green tea
mood: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Thursday, April 12, 2012
a poem a day
april is national poetry month! celebrate by reading a poem a day with this handy dandy link:
http://www.poets.org/page.php/prmID/345
you can even get a mobile version for on-the-go:
http://www.poets.org/page.php/prmID/404
here's one of my personal favorites from good ol' yeats:
When You are Old
by W. B. Yeats
When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.
"but one man loved the pilgrim soul in you, and loved the sorrows of your changing face...." that is how i'd like to be loved....
cups of coffee: 2
mood: busy busy
http://www.poets.org/page.php/prmID/345
you can even get a mobile version for on-the-go:
http://www.poets.org/page.php/prmID/404
here's one of my personal favorites from good ol' yeats:
When You are Old
by W. B. Yeats
When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.
"but one man loved the pilgrim soul in you, and loved the sorrows of your changing face...." that is how i'd like to be loved....
cups of coffee: 2
mood: busy busy
Monday, April 9, 2012
wretches and jabberers
i had the amazing privilege to watch this film, "wretches & jabberers", in my art education in museums class today. this class is held weekly at MoMA (another great privilege), and we heard from MoMA's associate educator of community and access programs as guest lecturer. in telling us about the museum's programs for visitors with disabilities, she showed us the film to help us better understand autism and dispel any misconceptions we may hold.
i was absolutely blown away by this documentary, particularly by the two witty and incredibly thoughtful protagonists, larry and tracy, two autistic men who travel the world as advocates. the film is told through the voices of those with autism, and it's absolutely inspiring and humbling. it has definitely transformed the way i view autism and reaffirmed my belief in the dignity and creativity of every human being. everyone longs for connection and communication, and every person has been endowed with great abilities even when it's not immediately apparent.
do yourselves a huge favor - watch "wretches & jabberers" and be inspired!
cups of coffee: 3
mood: tired but inspired
i was absolutely blown away by this documentary, particularly by the two witty and incredibly thoughtful protagonists, larry and tracy, two autistic men who travel the world as advocates. the film is told through the voices of those with autism, and it's absolutely inspiring and humbling. it has definitely transformed the way i view autism and reaffirmed my belief in the dignity and creativity of every human being. everyone longs for connection and communication, and every person has been endowed with great abilities even when it's not immediately apparent.
do yourselves a huge favor - watch "wretches & jabberers" and be inspired!
cups of coffee: 3
mood: tired but inspired
Sunday, April 8, 2012
rejoice!
"Oh death, where is your victory?
Oh death, where is your sting?" (1 Corinthians 15:55)
"For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1)
rejoice, rejoice! rejoice, o my soul, for the LORD God has granted you unending favor in His Son. rejoice for you are no longer under fear or condemnation but have been set free. rejoice for given to you is all hope and power, and set before you is all glory and grace. rejoice for your cup overflows continually, and upon you shines the fullness of a love supreme.
Oh death, where is your sting?" (1 Corinthians 15:55)
"For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1)
rejoice, rejoice! rejoice, o my soul, for the LORD God has granted you unending favor in His Son. rejoice for you are no longer under fear or condemnation but have been set free. rejoice for given to you is all hope and power, and set before you is all glory and grace. rejoice for your cup overflows continually, and upon you shines the fullness of a love supreme.
hot cross buns served at my church's wonderful easter service this morning
**********
a few images from a wonderful excursion to boston last weekend: crashing my brother's field trip with some of his high school students. thanks for letting me tag along, pete!
my favorite brother :)
the crew
papa duck and his little ducklings
cups of coffee: 2
mood: hooray!
Saturday, April 7, 2012
be still
another great devotional, perfect on this day between good friday and easter, between utter despair and mind-blowing hope.
from streams in the desert:
“Their strength is to sit still.” (Isa. 30:7) KJV.
In order really to know God, inward stillness is absolutely necessary. I remember when I first learned this. A time of great emergency had risen in my life, when every part of my being seemed to throb with anxiety, and when the necessity for immediate and vigorous action seemed overpowering; and yet circumstances were such that I could do nothing, and the person who could, would not stir.
For a little while it seemed as if I must fly to pieces with the inward turmoil, when suddenly the still small voice whispered in the depths of my soul, “Be still, and know that I am God.” The word was with power, and I hearkened. I composed my body to perfect stillness, and I constrained my troubled spirit into quietness, and looked up and waited; and then I did “know” that it was God, God even in the very emergency and in my helplessness to meet it; and I rested in Him. It was an experience that I would not have missed for worlds; and I may add also, that out of this stillness seemed to arise a power to deal with the emergency, that very soon brought it to a successful issue. I learned then effectually that my “strength was to sit still.” –Hannah Whitall Smith
There is a perfect passivity which is not indolence. It is a living stillness born of trust. Quiet tension is not trust. It is simply compressed anxiety.
Not in the tumult of the rending storm,
Not in the earthquake or devouring flame;
But in the hush that could all fear transform,
The still, small whisper to the prophet came.
0 Soul, keep silence on the mount of God,
Though cares and needs throb around thee like a sea;
From supplications and desires unshod,
Be still, and hear what God shall say to thee.
All fellowship hath interludes of rest,
New strength maturing in each poise of power;
The sweetest Alleluias of the blest
Are silent, for the space of half an hour.
0 rest, in utter quietude of soul,
Abandon words, leave prayer and praise awhile;
Let thy whole being, hushed in His control,
Learn the full meaning of His voice and smile.
Not as an athlete wrestling for a crown,
Not taking Heaven by violence of will;
But with thy Father as a child sit down,
And know the bliss that follows His “Be Still!”
–Mary Rowles Jarvis
for in stillness there is strength, in rest there is restoration....
cups of coffee: 1 1/2
mood: o happy day!
from streams in the desert:
“Their strength is to sit still.” (Isa. 30:7) KJV.
In order really to know God, inward stillness is absolutely necessary. I remember when I first learned this. A time of great emergency had risen in my life, when every part of my being seemed to throb with anxiety, and when the necessity for immediate and vigorous action seemed overpowering; and yet circumstances were such that I could do nothing, and the person who could, would not stir.
For a little while it seemed as if I must fly to pieces with the inward turmoil, when suddenly the still small voice whispered in the depths of my soul, “Be still, and know that I am God.” The word was with power, and I hearkened. I composed my body to perfect stillness, and I constrained my troubled spirit into quietness, and looked up and waited; and then I did “know” that it was God, God even in the very emergency and in my helplessness to meet it; and I rested in Him. It was an experience that I would not have missed for worlds; and I may add also, that out of this stillness seemed to arise a power to deal with the emergency, that very soon brought it to a successful issue. I learned then effectually that my “strength was to sit still.” –Hannah Whitall Smith
There is a perfect passivity which is not indolence. It is a living stillness born of trust. Quiet tension is not trust. It is simply compressed anxiety.
Not in the tumult of the rending storm,
Not in the earthquake or devouring flame;
But in the hush that could all fear transform,
The still, small whisper to the prophet came.
0 Soul, keep silence on the mount of God,
Though cares and needs throb around thee like a sea;
From supplications and desires unshod,
Be still, and hear what God shall say to thee.
All fellowship hath interludes of rest,
New strength maturing in each poise of power;
The sweetest Alleluias of the blest
Are silent, for the space of half an hour.
0 rest, in utter quietude of soul,
Abandon words, leave prayer and praise awhile;
Let thy whole being, hushed in His control,
Learn the full meaning of His voice and smile.
Not as an athlete wrestling for a crown,
Not taking Heaven by violence of will;
But with thy Father as a child sit down,
And know the bliss that follows His “Be Still!”
–Mary Rowles Jarvis
for in stillness there is strength, in rest there is restoration....
cups of coffee: 1 1/2
mood: o happy day!
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