milestones

so i graduated....

...and started working here.

life just got insanely busy and deliriously real.


cups of coffee:  2

mood:  happy-tired

happenstance?

two friends ran the boston marathon on monday, both slated to finish around 3 pm when the explosives went off. one friend planned on pushing his two young sons in a jogging stroller to the finish line, but ended up running slower than anticipated and was two miles away when the explosions occurred. another friend was running bandit and tracking his run with his phone, which he lost around mile 14, so he stopped. these seemingly small, and perhaps even irritable gestures at the time became merciful acts of protection in retrospect.

for many people, circumstances did not work out to their physical protection on monday. a delayed minute or two there, running faster or slower, deciding to watch the race or not that day, caused them their life or their limbs. choices that seemed insignificant ended up monumental.

we can call it many things: happenstance, coincidence, fate, luck. but at the end of the day, we are struck by this hard realization that our independent actions are actually not so independent after all - we are woven into a greater tapestry, and our action and inaction affect others and vice versa. what we think we have control over is frighteningly uncontrollable.

every moment matters - let us be conscious of that. but let us not live in fear but in faith. for those who subscribe to belief in a Higher Power, one that is sovereign and loving, we are able to walk through the moments of our lives with confidence. we ultimately have no control, but a God who is all-powerful and gracious does. and even in times of darkness and devastation, we can cling to the knowledge that in Christ, this is a God who entered that darkness and suffered as well. He did not shy from persecution and death but plunged right into the heart of it and emerged victorious from the tomb. this is a God who does not avoid suffering but chose to endure it. most importantly, He triumphed, giving us a way to triumph as well.

this is my consolation as i continue to grieve with those who grieve in boston and around the world. we cannot ignore the reality of pain and suffering, but we also need not be crushed by it. we do not know how our actions will play out or how our days will unfold, but if we can trust in a greater glory and a higher hope, then we know that all things - even when they are very, very awful - can still work out for good.


cups of coffee:  1

mood:  mourning

boston love

you are a city that's been so good to me - you took me in as a young adult, as i tried out my fledgling wings and learned to stand on my own two feet. you gave me my first true experience of community, from lifelong friends to a church that i still call home. you challenged me, encouraged me, showed me beauty in acts of human flourishing. you still hold for me pockets of quiet retreat, old haunts that i'm always happy to stomp around.

yesterday, someone decided to perform an act so horrendous, so atrocious, attempting to gut the joy out of one of your most cherished traditions on a day that celebrates not just you but our nation. o, boston, my heart is heavy for you. i grieve with you as you grieve the loss of loved ones. i demand justice be laid with a strong arm on the perpetrators. i seek comfort and solace for those who are hurt and frightened.

but you are resilient, boston. you are a tough city and you always have been. most of all, there is a God who is sovereign and merciful, and He is ever present to heal the wounded and bind the brokenhearted. He has not forgotten you, even in this present darkness, and He will bring forth your light again.

 Copley Square, photo taken by Eva

 Museum of Fine Arts, photo taken by Eva

cups of coffee:  1

mood:  sad

and there was much rejoicing

7 1/2 months of research and writing....almost 8 if you count some of the work that started in the summer. 30 sources cited of various mediums and sizes, from books to online articles. countless cups of coffee.
blood, sweat and tears...well, apart from a few paper cuts, mostly sweat and tears of fatigue.

finally. it's finished. all 76 pages of it, from cover to cover.

printing out my master's thesis on archival paper and sticking it in one of these special binders felt quite archaic in this digital age, but i admit there was also something extremely satisfying about creating something tangible and feeling the weight of my labor.

i've learned so much throughout this research process, and for this i'm very thankful.

now it's one step closer to graduation......


cups of coffee:  1

mood: free

*hope*

this year, my final thesis draft week (aka crunch time aka crazy town) happens to coincide with holy week.

which makes this poem all the more appropriate.

“Hope” is the thing with feathers 

By Emily Dickinson

 

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -

That perches in the soul -

And sings the tune without the words -

And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -

And sore must be the storm -

That could abash the little Bird

That kept so many warm -

I’ve heard it in the chillest land -

And on the strangest Sea -

Yet - never - in Extremity,

It asked a crumb - of me.

 

 

march was quite a doozy....looking forward to april, where changes are in the air!

 

 

cups of coffee:  working on first

 

mood:  fatigued yet hopeful

all that is gold

“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

river of gold, instagram, me

cups of coffee:  2

mood:  pensive

 

inexpressible

Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
- 1 Peter 1:8-9

i'm weary. please, Lord, let this be true today.


cups of coffee:  a lot

mood:  tired in so many ways