loss

we met almost 3 years ago - his brother and i were friends from college days in boston. his brother and sister-in-law were vacationing in china, and we all met up for a hot pot dinner on a balmy early summer evening.

g and i hit it off from the start; we found common ground in witty banter, love of thai food, cheesy 80s music, secret (ok, not-so-secret) nerdiness and overall smart-aleckiness.

he celebrated two birthdays with me, encouraged me when i was down about my job, attended art fairs with me and took me out for sushi. i helped him edit essays for business school applications, shop for art for his apartment, and fed him with occasional homecooked meals. we argued about the existence of God and swapped books to read: i lent him tim keller's "the reason for God" and he lent me christopher hitchens' "God is not great."

late wednesday night, i received an email from his brother: g was found dead in his shanghai apartment early tuesday morning by his cleaning lady. he was 33 years old.

my first response was to laugh - first sign of shock, perhaps? my second thought was, "i guess i'm not getting my book back..." terrible, i know. realization finally started to sink in like a heavy stone yesterday afternoon. i stared at his photos on my facebook. i re-read his last text message to me. i deliberated whether or not to delete his contact info from my iphone (i can't....not yet).

the last time i saw g was before chinese new year - he had broken his toe and was hobbling around on crutches. we watched "sixteen candles", drank blueberry tea and talked about the future.

i've never grieved the sudden loss of a friend before. it feels as if something just sucked his presence from this planet, and now there's this gaping hole that his body once occupied.


cups of coffee:  2

mood:  heavy